You Can't Fall Apart Now

Dr. Romance’s three tips to maintaining sanity during divorce.
 
1. Know your rights:
 If you’re even considering divorce, spend the money for one consult with a reputable, good attorney (preferably, recommended by a friend who went through it) and find out what the divorce laws in your state are. Go armed with information and questions for the attorney. What is your current financial situation? Who earns how much?  What properties are in joint tenancy? Most courts use a formula to decide how the assets, support and alimony are derived. Ask your lawyer to explain the formula to you, and what you’ll need if there’s a fight for custody. You’ll make better decisions if you know the consequences beforehand.

2. Surround yourself with friends.
This is not the time to be looking for a rebound relationship; and you probably aren’t ready to consider that anyway. So, spend a lot of time with your friends and/or family. You need to be around supportive people who have your best interests at heart. You’ll need shoulders to cry on, sound advice, hopeful information about the future, guidelines from people who’ve gone through it, and even child care and possibly financial help. Communicate with others on this site when you need information or support.

3. Get a good therapist.
As your friends to recommend a counselor who can help you through the ups and downs of the year to come. Whether you want this divorce or not, you’ll be on an emotional roller coaster. You can check your decision-making, understand what went wrong, perhaps even learn to save your marriage.  

Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She's authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids."  She can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.