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after-divorce  :: love

Dr. Romance: Guidelines for Dating your Ex

Dr. Romance: Guidelines for Dating your Ex

Dating after Divorce: Can Dating your Ex Work? Tips to Help Make it Better the Second Time Around


    You've gotten divorced, started a new life and, now, you're dating again. And your new date is -- you guessed it -- your ex. How do you make it work this time around? Here are some tips from Dr. Romance's book, "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again."

1. Go very slowly. 
If you're rushing into it, I can guarantee it's a bad idea you don't want to face the truth about. Slow down. If it's going to work, it will work better slowly, and you'll have a chance to build a better foundation than the last time.

2. Treat it like a new relationship. 
Start from the beginning, and do it differently -- it could work this time.

3. Analyze what went wrong the last time, and consciously try to do it differently.
Talk about it with your partner (your ex) -- if you cannot talk honestly about what went wrong and what to do differently, you'll never change anything.

4. Correct the problems.
Make sure your ex is as determined to correct the old problems as you are. If he or she is blaming you for everything that went wrong, disaster is imminent. If you're blaming your ex, it's just as big a problem.   d360 blogger POV: "Sex with ex, are you kidding me?"

5. Insist on couple therapy for both of you. 
Pre-commitment therapy can help you find out the pitfalls and whether you've solved the old problems.

6. Consider seeing a therapist by yourself. 
Have an expert help you decide if you're dating for the right reasons.

More from d360:  Getting Back With Your Ex

Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She has authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids"; “The Commuter Marriage: Keeping your Relationship Close While you’re Far Apart”; "How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free"; "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again"; and, “It Ends with You: Grow Up and Grow Out of Dysfunction.”  Tina can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.

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