Dr. Romance: Finding your Next Spouse

    You're divorced and ready to look for a new love. Here are three tips to help you as you search for a new partner in life.

1. Know the difference between fooling around and building a real relationship. 
You can mess around with anyone (if you’re careful and have safe sex) but before you bring someone into your life, or share money or living space, remember they’re bringing baggage.  Know what’s hidden – what’s not said at the beginning. Their baggage becomes your problem. Remember, whoever you’re dating is on best behavior.  It gets worse later, not better.  how to date afer divorce

2. Understand your own needs. 
Need a lot of space? Want lots of affection? Have to know what’s going on all the time? Or are you able to relax and go with the flow?  Whatever your style is, it’s OK, but you need to know it and be able to communicate it to your future spouse. You can train each other, if you both know what you need. 

3. Don’t seek romance, seek partnership. 
Romance is for dates, and fun to have on occasion in your marriage, but it’s partnership that will get you through the rough times.  Don’t look for someone who sweeps you off your feet.  That indicates a control freak, and you won’t like what happens later. Look for someone who likes give-and-take, who seeks your opinion and considers it, who cares about what you want, too.   everything you need to know about marrying again.



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Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She's authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids."  She can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.