Alone on Valentine's Day after Divorce?

    What’s just around the corner, sticky sweet and has Hallmark written all over it? If you guessed Valentine’s Day, you are correct. Even for those of us who don’t buy into the massive consumerism of this holiday can be guilty of getting caught up in the hype. After all, what girl doesn’t love hearts and flowers? Can we get a shout out for milk chocolates in a red satin box? We wouldn’t be human if these symbols of ‘amore’ didn’t pull at our heartstrings even a little bit.

But what do you do if you’re not exactly in a celebratory mood? What else is there besides hiding under your sheets and hibernating until the 15th? The goal is to not get bitter and turn into a Valentine’s Day scrooge. This is easier said than done, for sure. Sometimes ignorance breeds contempt so let’s get to know this little winter holiday a bit better.  

THE HISTORY OF LOVE

Valentine’s Day originated as a pagan celebration 800 years before ‘St. Valentine’ even came into the picture. The Romans would hold a ceremony in mid-February commemorating young men's rites of passage to the God Lupercus. This celebration featured a lottery in which young men would draw the names of women from a box. The woman whose name was picked became their sexual companion for the year.

Talk about ‘luck of the draw”! Yikes. During the 5th century, the Romans transformed this ceremony into a celebration honoring St. Valentine who was actually a bishop. Emperor Claudius had outlawed marriage because he thought married men made poor soldiers. St. Valentine, being a romantic and a good Christian would secretly marry lovers despite Claudius’ edict. This resulted in the imprisonment, stoning, beheading and ultimate demise of St. Valentine. It seems that unlike Cher, Claudius didn’t believe in life after love.  


ISN’T IT ROMANTIC? NOT!
 
Lara Cox’s seven-year marriage had been over for only three months and it was her first V-day flying solo. On the big red holiday she found herself in the living room eating ice cream with her two old boyfriends, Ben and Jerry. Half way through watching ‘The Way We Were’, the tenant she took in to help out with the mortgage payments breathlessly bursts out of her room in sexy lingerie and asks Lara if she could “…please attach her garters in the back? Thanks.”

Lara says, “I thought I was going to wither away with shame, which is crazy because I never made a big deal about Valentine’s Day when I was married! All of a sudden it was like the world was shouting at me ‘you’re all alone Lara!’ Maybe that was really my mother’s voice, but either way I was so surprised at how strongly it affected me.” Where’s Hubble when you need him?
 
Raquel Carrington had been divorced for a year and on her first single Valentine’s Day in five years she decided to take a hot bath, order in and watch a movie. Sounds great, except… “It didn’t exactly go the way I’d planned,” she says. “I got home from work and for some reason there was no hot water, so my bath was out. Then the Chinese take-out I ordered was contaminated and I ended up in the emergency room at three in the morning with food poisoning.”

These V-Day gone south scenarios are enough to make even the most secure of us jump off the deep end. So what happens when it’s Valentine’s Day and you’re putting the key in the door to ‘crazy’ and about to turn the lock? Believe it or not, there are choices other than cursing happy couples, wallowing in self-pity or ripping up your kid’s Hannah Montana Valentines and using them to stoke the fire.