Valentine’s Day is already making most of you recently divorced or soon-to-be divorced women sad and nervous. Many R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women (Women who are Rising Above Divorce In Confidence And Love) are already dreading that day … even thinking of getting out of town. Sometimes a distraction like that can make the day easier. But there are some less expensive, perhaps more fulfilling, ways to spend the day.
My own first Valentine’s Days alone were not pretty. One year, I found out on February 17th that my wasband (ex-husband) had given his girlfriend “a heart box, candy, and flowers.” I know this because she told me. I felt sorry for myself. I was furious at my wasband. I was upset at the world in general. I desperately wanted to be someone’s Valentine. I cried through the day, so believe me, I know what you’re feeling. I’ve been there.
Part of the problem is that it’s hard to ignore Valentine’s Day. Many advertisers spend a lot of their yearly budget just before Valentine’s Day. In every newspaper, magazine, radio or television show and on countless websites there are ads for the perfect Valentine’s gift or dinner or getaway. And when you don’t have a Valentine, you are reminded of it 24/7.
It feels like you are the only woman in the universe without a true love, even though in the United States the last census revealed that more than 80 million adults are single.
Keep in mind, this is just one day. Lots of other people are single. You will get through these 24 hours.
3 TIPS THAT CAN HELP SINGLES ON VALENTINES DAY:
1.
Rethink Valentine’s Day. Think of Valentine’s Day as a day celebrating love and not a day celebrating lovers in general or a certain love in particular. When you change your focus, you find all kinds of love to celebrate. Friends, children, grandchildren, extended family, pets, neighbors, co-workers, even strangers.
Make this a day to do something lovely for someone else: Babysit your grandchildren or neighbors’ young children, so that couple can go out for a nice dinner and to a movie. Go visit your parents. They most likely will be thrilled with a visit from you. Take some of your favorite Valentine candy. Volunteer somewhere in the community. Take cookies to a nursing home. Take some special treats to a church or parish or synagogue. Volunteer at a Community Resale Shop.
Get a box of kid’s valentines and send them to friends or people you want to stay in contact with. Include a lighthearted note about celebrating the loves in your life.
2. Celebrate yourself. Use Valentine’s Day and evening to appreciate everything that is good about yourself. You have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else.
Try a new project or a new craft. Finish up something you need to finish at home. Put on your sweats and really clean something up. Fix yourself your favorite comfort food. Enjoy every delicious bite. Jump with both feet into a project of your own.
Go buy yourself a great new “power cup.” Splurge a little and get a china cup in a pattern you love. Get some special tea and cookies to enjoy on Valentine’s Day.
3. Start thinking about and planning for the relationships you want in your future. Pour yourself a cup of tea and make two lists. One is a list of things that would be deal-breakers in a new relationship: Examples: Someone who lies. Someone who is unkind to waitresses. Someone who hates dogs. Someone who is a slob. Someone who never lets anyone else talk. Be as specific as you can. Think of all the things you DO NOT want in a future friend or long-term partner. Write them down.
Make another list with the attributes you want in future relationships: Someone who is generous, good, honest, trustworthy, fun, adventurous. Be specific on this list, too. When you start seriously thinking about the character of people you want, finding those people becomes much easier. Actively visualize the person you want to attract. Think about places you would be most likely to find that kind of person.
Start consciously thinking of ways to be the kind of person who would connect with the person you want to find. Make some changes if you need to. And remember having a confident joy and contentment about life is appealing to everyone. Cultivate those bright inner sparks that make you unique.
Remember, Valentine’s Day is just one day. You will get through it. You can use it to refine your new life vision. Don’t bemoan not having a partner this particular day. If you want a good, new relationship, you will find one. It’s easier when you know clearly what you want and definitely don’t want. It’s easier when you are being the kind of person you want to attract.
On February 14th, there are all kinds of ways to celebrate love itself. Be creative and generous in shining your own unique love-light on that special day. Change from being focused on “poor, pitiful me,” and focus instead on celebrating every kind of love you have in your life to enjoy and to share. Think of all the people in the world you can lift up on that special day of love. It might just be the most rewarding Valentine’s Day ever!
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More Stories, Blogs and Expert Advice on Valentine's Day After DivorceSuzy Brown is an author, speaker and founder of Midlife Divorce Recovery. For more information, see her web site: www.midlifedivorcerecovery.com. She can be reached at suzysuccess@kc.rr.com
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