The Solution Lady: New Memories after Divorce

    Anything that you get rid of will continue to have meaning for you until you stop giving meaning to it. In other words, it will continue to use up negative energy until you decide to get rid of it. You’ve gotten rid of all kinds of reminders since your separation and divorce, but have you really freed up space and moved on? 

I’ve noticed that while it helps to get rid of material things, some memories still linger for quite some time. You may continue to have an attachment to non-physical matter. Deep down in your cells are memories or energies of what those things meant to you and in most cases, to be quite honest, they may not have meant that much, when you really think about it. It’s the experience that creates the memory, not just the item that reminds you of it. So, now the big question is how do you get rid of that memory or how do you shift your energy so that the memory doesn’t consume you or drain you.

1. Stop relieving your old memories.
It doesn’t serve you. Stop recreating similar situations or patterns in your life that simply make you ‘unavailable’ to create new memories. How do you know it’s the same? Your thoughts and feelings will tell you, “Men are all the same”… “They are all like her”. When you hear yourself saying the same thing all the time, when you start generalizing, when you feel the same feelings, stop and ask yourself why you think that this current experience is the same and how did you allow it to happen. Somehow, you’re allowing those situations to recreate themselves and you end up relieving old memories.   

2. Start remembering the positive experiences and memories that did not involve that other person.
For example, I used to watch my ex-spouse play baseball, and every time I drove by that field at the beginning of our breakup it would remind me of him. I needed to start remembering that I always enjoyed watching baseball. It wasn’t really about him afterall, it was about missing baseball.      


Linda G. Robert M.A., M.Ed., is known as The Solution Lady for personal, self-care, wellness and life solutions. She's worked in the mental health field and education field for several years as well as in law enforcement. Find out more about her at www.lindarobert.ca. Check out her newest booklet at http://www.myarticles.thesolutionlady.com/index.html.