Sexcetera: Divorce Cards

Q: My very good friend and her husband have divorced after 25 years of marriage. I knew this was coming but was shocked this week when I received a card in the mail with a black ribbon on it. At first I thought someone had died, but when I read it I saw it was a divorce announcement that included their new addresses. My friend had sent these cards to everyone she knew and everyone on their Christmas list! I am dumbfounded and think this is in terrible taste. But I don't want to say anything to upset my friend. Am I wrong about this? Is this a custom I'm just unfamiliar with? What do you guys think?

Mia: I've never heard of that, but I'm not quite old enough to have a lot friends divorcing yet. Probably in another five years! Still, I'm going to bet that there's an Emily Post way to handle this, and it doesn't involve sending out funeral cards. I think this is a situation when you should just call people personally.

Steve: I like this idea! But why so glum? How about a bright and cheery card with your photo on it that reads, "Guess Who's Single Again?" Or a funny one that reads on the outside, "There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman." Inside it says, "Before marriage and after marriage." Better yet would be a card you could send to your spouse asking for a divorce. Well, maybe not. I'm not sure your friend's card signals a trend, but if it helped her move on, I see no harm in it.

Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the Center City dating scene. If you want answers to your romantic troubles, e-mail them at S&M@phillynews.com or write: S&M, c/o Daily News, Box 7788, Philadelphia, Pa. 19101.

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