Secrets to a Balanced Life

    Ever feel like a clumsy juggler trying to keep all the balls in the air when trying to balance work, parenting and love. If you're relationship is struggling, you're in the process of a divorce or have just gotten through one, it can be even more difficutl. The image of balancing a scale is all about taking something away from one side and giving it to the other. How can I take more away from work or my kids? I can’t!  I want to give to them more. I want to live passionately. I want to be happy. Guess what? I wasn't always happy, but I am now and I’m never going back! Here are my secrets.

Secret 1: I choose me, an imperfect but lovable me, a lot more than I used to. 
Selfish is not a bad word. “How can taking care of yourself be bad?” I am a nurturer. I care about the quality of my work, and I take responsibility seriously. I’ll never be able to be the kind of selfish that ignores the needs of others, but I’m not the kind of selfless that ignores my own needs anymore. A happy me is more productive at work, more present with my kids and more in tune with my relationships. My kids are surviving my fallibility as a parent. In fact, they are thriving because my honesty about my mistakes allows them be fallible, too.

Secret 2: Downtime. Kids need it, and we do, too. 
A happy mom and a happy marriage is more important than having a family dinner every single night or having the kids in every extra-curricular activity they ask about. If you feel like a taxi driver, stop. Say no. Kids should give their parents time and space to be just adults and parents should give kids time and space to be just kids.

Secret 3: Happiness starts with appreciation. 
Notice the things that people do that make your life easier, even if it is stuff they are supposed to do. Saying thank you and meaning it changes everything. At work thank people for emptying the trash, making a pot of coffee, turning in paperwork on time and correct. Thank people for their support and trust in your ability, for their doing their job. Thank your kids for doing their chores and teach them to thank you for doing yours. Thank your family for all that they do. If you do this with love and generosity and you will be amazed at how much goodwill you will generate in and for yourself. Appreciation in practice opens the door to happiness and to living your life with passion whether or not it is always perfectly balanced!


A mother of two, K.L. McLoughlin has perfected the art of talking to kids about sex. With a masters in education, she is the author of the book, "Baby Steps," and recently landed her own radio talk show, "Today's Women." For more information about her, see http://www.klmcloughlin.com/.