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How To Soar When Flying Solo

How To Soar When Flying Solo

After The Break Up, Here's How To Move On


     Breaking up with someone you were once sure you would spend the rest of your life with ranks as one of the most heart-wrenching and stressful things any of us will do and when you add legal woes and fees, things can get downright ugly.  We know that going through a divorce is difficult but we rarely talk about what happens once the property is distributed, the lawyers are paid and the custody terms have been decided.  Moving on from divorce is not something that just “happens” when the state agrees to it.  Here are a few ways to soar now that you’re flying solo.

Re-Define Yourself:
When we are in a relationship (even one that is breaking down) it can be tempting, and even comfortable, to define ourselves by the roles we are playing in the relationship.  A married man with a wife and two kids becomes a divorced father of two.  A wife becomes a divorced 33 year-old and so forth.  While we are all juggling different roles and titles, the fact is that our individuality is not based on what we endure, where we work or even the role we play in the lives of those we love.  Take some time to really sit and think about who you are, what you have learned and what you want at this point in your life.  You may not be where you would like to be just yet but knowing who you truly are is the first step to getting there.

Drop the Baggage Curb-Side:  Relationships are never perfect and when two people have decided to end theirs, you can be sure both parties are walking away carrying their own fair share of hurt, resentments, regrets and anger.  The problem with moving on into the rest of your life with this extra “stuff” is that it weighs you down and keeps you from moving forward at a healthy and productive pace.  It also keeps other, more appropriate matches from getting to know you.  How can you travel with someone new when your suitcase is overflowing with stuff belonging to your ex?

The Past has Been Determined but Your Future is up To You

Uncertainty is a part of life but the reality is that, outside of random acts of nature, health and violence most of what we experience in our lives is a direct result of what we choose to do and not to do.  Sit down and think about what you have learned from your past and the mistakes you have made.  How will you create better boundaries for yourself?  What direction would you like to take your life now?  How will you be bold and courageous this time around?  A bright and productive future isn’t something that just “happens”, it takes planning and work.  Do what you need to do to ensure yourself a better tomorrow by sitting down and loving and respecting yourself today.

Date Yourself

One of the most important chapters in my book, Cinderella Was a Liar, is based on the concept of taking time to “date yourself”.  Go out there and live your life and court yourself.  Treat yourself with the love, care, concern and gentleness that you do your partners and friends and you’ll not only fall in love with yourself but be more than willing to hold out for someone who truly fits into your life and treats you with the respect and love you deserve.      

Know That There Are Other Men and Women Out There

Your ex was not the only person on the planet to find you lovely, attractive, intelligent, compassionate and funny.  Your amazing and unique qualities remain all your own and are not dissolved the moment someone decides not to acknowledge or appreciate them anymore.

Brenda Della Casa is the author of Cinderella Was a Liar a freelance writer and columnist who specializes in romance, lifestyle and wellness features.  In addition to her writing, Brenda spent nine years interviewing thousands of men and women while casting some of television’s most well-known reality shows. Brenda's columns appear on and in Start Your Business Magazine, Iamstaggered.com, FiLife.com, Basil & Spice and Divorce360.com. She has been seen on The Today Show, iVillage Live and numerous other television and radio shows.Brenda has written for and been featured in dozens of publications. Her blog, Walking Barefoot can be seen at www.strollwithoutshoes.com

Follow Brenda on Twitter (BrendaDellaCasa)           
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