divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

after-divorce  :: general
Print
Email

Dr. Romance: 6 Tips to Getting Back with Ex


Dr. Romance: 6 Tips to Getting Back with Ex


Guidelines for Improving the Odds to a New Relationship with your Ex


By TINA TESSINA

    So, your ex has been hanging around, helping you out with things around the house, eating dinner with you and the kids, or just calling you up to talk about good times in the past.  Then, one night, you wind up in bed together, and it’s great.  Old, good feelings seem to be coming back.  Can this really work, or will it just fall apart again? Here’s how to see if you and your ex can make it work.

1. Go very slowly. 
Rushing into things means you’re trying to avoid some truths. Slow down. If it’s going to work, it go better if you go more slowly, and you’ll have a chance to build a better foundation than before.


2. Treat it like a new relationship. 
Start from the beginning, and do it differently – it could work this time.

3. Analyze what went wrong the last time, and consciously try to do it differently.
Talk about it with your partner (your ex). If you cannot talk honestly about what went wrong and what to do differently, you’ll never change anything.

4. Make sure your ex is as determined to correct the old problems as you are. 
If he or she is blaming you for everything that went wrong, disaster is imminent.  If you’re blaming your ex, it’s just as big a problem.

5. Insist on couple therapy for both of you. 
Pre-commitment therapy can help you find out the pitfalls and whether you’ve solved the old problems.

6. Talk to a therapist.
Consider seeing a therapist on your own, to get expert help to decide if you’re dating for the right reasons.

Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She has authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids"; “The Commuter Marriage: Keeping your Relationship Close While you’re Far Apart”; "How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free"; "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again"; and, “It Ends with You: Grow Up and Grow Out of Dysfunction.”  Tina can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.




divorce New this week::

Transition Institute: Telling Your Spouse You want to Split - Mental Health: The Dos, Don'ts of Telling Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

 

Your Kid Wants To Live With Ex - Tips On How To Cope If Your Child Wants To Change Homes

 

Living with a Habitual Liar? - Relationships: Four Ways You Can Tell if Your Spouse is Telling You a Whopper

 

divorce Community::
popular blogs
Well, what do you know ..
Liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar,liar, liar, liar, liar, liar .. did I say...read more 

Not going to believe it!!!!!
I'm officially DIVORCED!!!!!!! There is so much to write I need time to process...read more 

First weekend divorced .. woot woot
I'm of course sick .. ugh .. I haven't even gotten to have my celebration...read more 

get/give answers
Halloween
Hi, stbx and I agreed to take the kids trick or treating together months...Read Answers/share yours 

Home in Limbo
My divorce was final 4/2014. However, our home is still in limbo. My husband...Read Answers/share yours 

Parenting Agreement
Ok .. I'll admit 24 hours and I'm freaking out. It's all good except out of no...Read Answers/share yours 

expert Q&As
Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?
My Husband and I Are Having Trouble. Is It a Good Idea for Us to Separate?...read more 

Stress Relief: Tips to Help after Separation
Mental Health: Overwhelmed by Changes in Household Routine. What Should I do?...read more 

About Law: Do Divorce Kits Work?
Legal: What You Should Consider When You Think About Divorcing Using a Kit...read more 


expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards
ADVERTISING PARTNERS

Find divorce professionals in your area

Find lawyers
Find financial professionals
Find coaches
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. Are You Reading Your Spouses Text Messages?
Stop! It May Be Illegal & May Hurt Your Case

2. Eager To Check Those Texts?
Think your Spouse is Cheating? Professionals Can Check Text Messages

3. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

4. They Won't Leave? Now What?
You Want a Divorce, but Your Spouse Won’t Leave. Here’s How to Get 'em out

5. When Is a Marriage Worth Saving?
10 Things to Think About When Considering Whether to Stick with a Relationship