Change your World after Divorce

    Leigh Kubin tells the story of a woman who held on to the bed she shared during a long marriage with a man who cheated on her just to make him angry.  Glenda Tooley recounts the tale of the 50-something man whose living room walls were painted a color he hated – a color his ex-wife chose. Nancy Wesson sees client after client looking for relationships but who have imagery throughout their homes – pictures, statues, books – that depict empty chairs, single people or objects, or topics like surviving divorce.       

All three are consultants of feng shui – the ancient Chinese practice of arranging a person’s living or work space to promote positive energy – and say they often work with people in various stages of divorce who are stuck in the past and looking to change their lives. “So many of the people I work with are post-divorce,” said Wesson, who owns Focus on Space and consults with clients in Austin, Texas, and Washington, D.C.  “Everything in the house screams I live alone and I’m going to be that way forever.”       

What is feng shui? According to the International Feng Shui Guild Web site, Feng Shui "is the art and science of harmonizing a person with their environment and heavenly influences. A living or work environment is then designed in which the presence of the most beneficial qi (life-force or flow of energy) connects the energies of Heaven and Earth with the person. This connection is enhanced by the placement of objects within the house to create the best flow of benevolent qi, the best balance of ying and yang, the most auspicious use of space in accordance with energies present, and by mitigating negative energies and enhancing positive energies.”

Much of what they and others talk about regarding feng shui is common sense. Clear out clutter. Don’t hang on to the ex’s stuff. Open the heart and mind to the idea of a new relationship. The words “energy” and “intention” arise often with the suggestion that if you surround yourself with objects that evoke negative emotions, you will feel negative and be stuck in the past associated with those objects. And if you clean up your house – and presumably your life – with the intention of changing things, then most likely you will. 


BEFORE THE DIVORCE

Kubin, who hosts the Internet TV show “Feng Shui Your Way” at ON Networks and owns the Feng Shui Training Center in Austin, Texas, said that depending on where a person is in the divorce process, they would approach feng shui in different ways. “When you’re considering divorce, you would think what can I do in here to make things better? Check in the master bedroom,” she said. “Ask yourself, are there things I can fix in here to help this relationship?”       

Kubin advised avoiding triangles in the bedroom since that could invite a third party into your relationship – be it an affair, a job that takes up too much time or the kids coming between mom and dad. The bed itself can be meaningful, Kubin said. If it is king-sized, it likely has two twin box springs. “Basically your marriage foundation has a big split in it,” Kubin said.       

She suggested taking a red-fitted silk sheet and covering the box spring with the intent to symbolically fuse it together. And if possible, couples should sleep on a queen bed in order to be closer during the night. “Your auras overlap, so you share information you don’t share during the day,” she said. Orange or peach colors should be avoided in the bedroom, Kubin said, because it’s a volatile color that represents change. To initiate a change, however, she said add an orange pillow but then take it out as soon as the change has occurred.