NICE PEOPLE CAN FINISH LAST 

Judging from the last thing you said "Hate him" good lord he was treated pretty well. So when are you coming back to CONUS? If that's how you treat a jacked up man. Hmm... how would you treat someone that will treat you right and love you properly. I better not ever find you. If I ever do be prepared to get spoiled in return.

Hey Ambiv... no problemo :) We are all compadres here :) The thing with me is, I fully understood the responsibility and obligation my stbx has with the military (I was army too, i get it...) and Ive never made it an issue. In fact I was a pretty F'n stellar wife because he really had his cake and ate it to in the household. Pre-baby, I never complained about him being out with buddies, never made hude issues about him walking in at 7am almost every other day after a night of being out with buddies and lord knows who else doing lord knows what (or who, lol)... I cooked, cleaned, managed the bills, gave the man sex 6-8 times a day (EVEN when pregnant with baby #1!!!), stayed in shape and when baby #1 came around I could have been mistaken for a single mother because he was allowed to resumed his life as it was before baby #1... I however grew up. When he deployed, I stayed at home, never shopped, never cheated, never flirted, raised baby and thats it. Paid off all of our bills (moved in with the IN LAWS to do this, yeah, Im a F'n STELLAR wife to do THAT!) and came home to meet him when he came back 15 months later. So, when it came time for him to grow up and assume the responsibilities of a Father and to actually try to be a good husband... he couldnt handle it and walked out... again. Today we went to get the final document needed for my ERD. He started asking me how I found out he was cheating etc etc.. I told him. He was furious and told me I invaded his privacy... I told him: "First off, you would have never confessed. I gave you countless opportunities to do so and I had already KNOWN what you did. You still lied to my face. So I began to help myself and find what I needed as proof. Second, dont ask me questions you do not want to hear the answers to... Im no longer in a position where I have to be sensitive to your feelings so be careful what you ask me. Third , mad that I invaded your privacy or are you mad you got caught?" He had no response. Typical.

Oh yeah, Ambi, glad to see that you cut your guys some slack on parenting....I believe the military has pushed in recent years for Family first regardless of branch of service and I am glad to see you are an example of that...It has come a long way from if we wanted you to have a Family, we would issue you one...It takes a special marriage I think to survive a military career these days. They are truly a team, stepping into and out of roles that were once very traditional.

I am in the military myself, was also a military spouse until my ex retired. I personally am glad the rule/law is there about adultery. I believe it holds people accountable for their actions. It makes people think twice about doing it, especially when their higher chain of command has made it clear that it is something they view poorly and will act upon it. In instances where the chain of command does not seem to care, that is where you seem to have a lot of that bs happening at...I am Army and we are supposed to live by a certain set of values, like honesty, integrity, selfless service, personal courage, loyalty, respect, and duty,...That is supposed to be part of who we are 24/7. Kind of hard to fulfill those values and still boink anything that moves.

There are  not many options for military wives. Hopefully the Soldiers chain of command is sincerely caring, both about the Soldier and his Family. If there is cheating involved, then that makes it kind of hard for it to just be between two people. The equation just got a little bigger. I for one have seen it go both ways, I have seen the chain of command turn a blind eye and I have seen them take action. Personally, turning a blind eye only sends a message that it is ok to not face up to your responsibilities both in and out of the uniform. That is just my take. You have already deleted this but I am just responding to comments I read. We are all entitled to our own point of view so nobody may agree with me and that is ok...

Hey I HATE HIM. I like you too. Always have. I just hope the kids get through your situation with the least amount of pain as possible. In my 17 years of being in the Marine Corps. I have seen so much ugly stuff between spouses it's hard not to become negative. But the most recent drama is someone I worked on a lot of joint projects with got busted for kiddie porn. I swear sometimes I think I've seen it all then something crazy happens so close to home. It makes me not even want to have a baby sitter.

On an other note. I will give you some of my experiences being a parent in the military. It's not all peaches and cream for us either. Trying to explain to someone you work for that has a stay at home wife you need the day off because your kid is sick has been a constant battle for me and I'm not new to the military!! I am very flexible to my guys because I get it. I haven't been so lucky to get the same consideration from some of my superiors. My STBX has a crazy job and if she's not available she could lose her job so who has to help her out when the lil one gets sick? Me. I am not in a position where I could get fired so I take him. Trust me guys it sucks being a parent in the military. So many senior people just don't understand or just don't care that a young life depends on you. If we are deploying or have crucial tasks I got it. We gotta do what we gotta do but if that's not the case how about being reasonable? Take care y'all sorry I went off on a tangent it's just where my feelings took me.

Yeah, I see what youre saying... however... it only takes one or a few things to happen to make things right. Rosa Parks... ONE example that made it right! I'll bet if a petition were started about this very subject... for Army spouses and ex spouses who have been effected by the way the government shields this problem... we'd have a major story on our hands. Sorry, I just get very passionate about the things I care about... lol....this...being one of them.

okay i have one mor ething to say about the military thing again sorry if i keep addressing things of this nature.... but yes there are also military rules and laws that may seem over done but what is the point??? discpline and order being late once is okay, but the law is there to keep people focused  and again as i said discpline! again as  i said before IAM NOT AGREEING WITH THE ZILLION RULES AND LAWS THAT THE MILITARY HAS but most of them as i said are there to keep the military working like a well oiled machine.... and again iam not saying all duty stations are like that, but when we were at bragg they didnt play games they took care of there soldiers and families NO MATTER WHAT!!!! they were family, they were deployed together, when out to the field for 2-3 weeks at a time and were airborne together... it may sound cheesy but we were al family and had each others back the army isnt like there most anywhere else and it is sad because military life is very ruff....sorry for all the extra yada yada yada.....

Hi Ambiv... Oh I totally understand what you are saying and I agree!! It should not be the responsibility of the Company to handle their Soldiers' martial problems... I agree... but unfortunately due to the whole "must report things to your Chain of Command" and hierarchy the Command has to become involved at some point, well, because they are the Company's soldiers, lol. BUT I do think the soldier and the spouse need to do what they can to act like adults and not cause more problems. This is what my stbx and I are doing... tyring not to cause more problems. I dont want to leave any kidn of destructive path on my way out.. trust me... I believe in Karma, lol!!! I do, however, want what is fair... and I am not afraid to fight for it, lol (as you can see, lol)..

I understand where you are coming from and appreciate your comments and advice...along with everyone els's opinions and advice here... it helps me think outside of the box and look at things from a different angle... and thats why I joined this site...lol.

You're cool Ambiv... I have a lot of respect for you.

Your postion as being welcome here is not in jeoprady. But I am saying as a parent. It's not my job to fix someone's family mess especially when it takes away from me taking care of my own kid. That's just my personal thing. I'm not going to allow an idiot to take time and effort away from my son because two adults can't get their shit together. I will do my part to make sure child support is handled but it's irritating as hell as a supervisor to have to step into someone's marriage.

WHOAAH!!!! Ok now I am do not agree with sexual relationships within the same work section. It does create a dynamic that affects work performance... Noted. That being said when it has happened with people under my charge I handle it at my level. This being both males AND females I have had to give the straighten up and fly right speech to. I have had some excellent guys and gals that may have made some personal decisions that may not have fallen in line with the UCMJ but when their contributions to this command and country outweigh their negative attributes (we all have them) I will side with saving their career but a chunk of their ass will remain on my desk. So don't think guys are not held accountable. Personally, I give a damn about who my guys and gals sleep with as long as they come to work and do their damn job and they don't put me in a position to where I have to have them charged. Infidelity is not on the same level as a terrorist. If you really want to split hairs of the UCMJ, being late to work is a crime in the military. So should I charge every kid that comes in late 5-10 minutes. Hell no I'm not going to do that. I have more important stuff to focus on. I have not threatened my stbx with not having joint custody. In the state of Texas if you commit domestic violence you are not eligible for joint custody. Regardless, if the child is not the target of it. I choose to retain the relationship between my son and his mother so I don't have to explain my actions in the future. Now if she tried to threaten my rights as a father the gloves come off and I'll put on two sets of brass knuckles. I am sorry if I offended you with the "typical" bit but unfortunately in my experience it's true and it will remain typical until it isn't anymore. Just as typical as young service members getting married too early, having kids then making a total mess of their lives. A mess often times I have to clean up.

... My tactic was not a threat to him... I think of it as a negotiation upon things that have already been on the table to negotiate.

... and yes, infidelity does effect his work... he is a Team Leader and an NCO. Lower ranking soldiers look up to him... follow his advice and orders.

These were HIS soldiers he slept with, took advantage of and abused his rank with. 

His actions effect morale... and isnt having good morale almost required to be in the military??
 
If you find out you have a cancer and dont get treatment, doesnt that cancer spread???

Just my thoughts again.

Ambivelent... this is in no way shape or form an attack on you. We all have different circumstances and opinions, this is merly mine. I respect your opinion and appreciate it.
 
STBX is an adult and can make decisions. He knowingly entered into an act that he if fully aware of and that by doing so he is not only placing his family on the line but also his career. He made his decision, got caught and now he must be responsible for that decision. It is not up to me how his actions effect his career or life... it is up to him. So, I never effected his career... he did and his decisions did. I will not simply stand aside and be passive about this.

If I killed someone, should I not go to prison? And it is up to the person administering the consequence as to how much punishment that crime deserves... it is not up to the victim of that crime.

-A

Hello Ambivelent.... well, we all have our own opinions and I can respect that. "Typical Spose", to me,is nothing more than a cop-out statement by the people who get caugh. This was the first and only time his career was threatened and yes... to get my way...what was fair and just. Do I just sit aside blind? No. He's done this MANY times before, cheated etc... I acted fair. I simply went to his Command explained the situation and requested and ERD. No drama, no yelling, nothing. Never atempted to gouge his pension, ask for alimony, or anthing other than the child support he's obligated to pay. I certainly do not fit that stereo type of "typical military wife." I have always been very professional and business-like when dealing with his infidelity issues. I realize a reduction in rank will reduce pay which in turn may reduce child support... the thing is... I dont care. I never needed or required his money or help. I have been a single mother from the minute I gave birth to my first daughter and taught myself how to take care of two children and myself... all by myself. Yes, infidelity is horrible, especially in the eyes of the Army... higher ranking staff is trying to weed out this problem. Now if these things are never reported and the men and women who commit these crimes are never repremanded or made a "lesson out of" then the problem will never go away. Plain and simple. It's like the war on drugs, or terrorism... if we simply look the other way and sweep the problem under the rug...it will never go away. Should we simply say, "Ok, the attacks on this country are terrible but why should we make those terrorists pay for the rest of their lives?" No. That just doesnt make any sense. Every soldier is fully aware that adultery is a CRIME in the military, period. And yes, if they chose to commit that crime knowing that there are consequences they should be punished accordingly.. nothing beyond the normal punishment. Time for them to be responsible for their actions.

i dont know how the USMC works but i know in the army you have to have solid proof like pics, a person who is willing to come foward and admit it (which most soldiers wont because it puts them in danger)!! what is ur husbands rank? he can also be charged on fratinizing if he is higher ranking than they are. but i understand why you did what you did and had every right to do so!! and to.....AMBIVALENT...i would never do it to my husband BUT...BUT..IAM GONNA CALL YOU OUT ON THIS..I KNOW THE MILITARY IS FULL OF CRAP WITH MOST OF THERE RULES, RULES, RULES...BUT THEY DO WHAT THEY DO FOR A REASON JUST LIKE MOST LARGE COMPANIES DO, THEY PUNISH PEOPLE BECAUSE (SLEEPING WITH PEOPLE YOU WORK WITH AFFECTS WORK RELATIONSHIPS) AND MILITARY DOSENT LIKE BS TO INTERFER WITH THERE WORK PROFORMANCE!!!

As a person in the military that seems to be the standard thing. Angry wife threatens to end husband's career so she gets what she wants. What does his infidelity have to do with him doing his job? In doing so you will get less in child support due to grade reduction and future missed promotions. So you are really reducing what the kids can get from him. But like I said this is typical military wife shit so I'm not surprised anymore. I'm very familiar with the UCMJ but it just seems that so many women use that as a crutch. Instead of two people dealing with each other. I could have been an ass and put my STBX in a position to where she would not be have been eligible for joint custody but I did not do that to her. I am not going to make her pay permanently over a temporary situation. I'm not defending his actions. I just think it's an immature move to threaten his career. You could cheat all day long and your employer wouldn't care. They would just care that you did your job. Infidelity as ugly as it is is no reason for anyone to lose their livelihood over.

Good for you. You aren't ruining his career, but using information as leverage to expedite what you already agreed to with this guy. I'm glad he won't be able to play with you anymore.

And, I'm glad you got your apologies and a chance to watch them all squirm for a bit.

Good for you!  Doesn't it feel wonderful to be in control?!?

Too bad civilian law isn't as strict!!!!!

first, nice job for youself & your kids. second, remember absolute power corrupts absolutely. third, be careful.

So just do it.