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I am not the type who would wreck a friendship or family... 

 

 

As some of you know yes, I am involved with a married man, openly sort of, not in public but in our home where our neighbors need never know what sort of relationships we have...

 

Yes, I moved in with my lover and his wife.

 

Previously she had told me her libido withered on the vine post hysterectomy.  She smokes and was not a good candidate for hormone therapy...

 

Her husband told me when we first became intimate that he had not felt the touch of a woman in 18 months.  Coming from a nearly sexless marriage that ended in divorce I related well with him.

 

While she never told me the actual frequency they made love, she did confess no interest in sexuality to me.

 

What she is stating now is a complete 180 from previous information.  Now she says she wants intimacy, she is tired of not having him in her bed most nights and that she wants to have sex.  Unfortunately he told us both that after years of being pushed away and made to feel like a letcher for asking for sex from his wife he is not really interested in going down that path with her anymore.  He is sick of rejection, and I complicate her situation with my living here and the open bedroom door policy I have with him.

 

I could move out but I just sold my home to be here. I have no energy for another move just yet, I am hoping that she will calm down but it is really tense around here.  I am stressed out to the max.,

 

I know a lot of you feel my presence is annoying but I want you to think of the other side of the fence too, we are all humans, and we all have faults.  It is easy to criticize someone else much harder to be brutally honest and admit you shortcomings.

 

To the divorce coach Lisa,  I never knew people breaking up needed coaching; I wish your title was "marriage coach".

 

I am pretty sure that in your job you see many couples with mismatched libido; do you always recommend the partner who wants to be touched supress those feelings,, buck up and engage in self gratification?  Because honestly, up until this week he was starved for her attention.

 

By the way, I am not interfering in her spending bed room time with her husband at all; except some may argue that me living here is interference enough. Still,  I think it is very unfair of her to deny him for so long and then at the realization that he and I are very compatable in all aspects, decide to change your mind.... Oh wait, I guess I will try a BJ (she never gave him one in 30 years! NOW she is willing?  )  I think it is absurd.

 

Beat me up some more I guess I still deserve it but honestly there are three sides to this story and I am only willing to take 1/3rd the blame.

SnS

 

 

by SmartNSexy  62 Posts 

Posted on 11/6/2009 5:59 AM 		Get AlertsGet Alerts!
Sent to Friendsend to friend
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Tags: sex , sexless , divorce , polagmy ,
affair , ow dear wife ,
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Comments for "I am not the type who would wreck a friendship or family..."  (50) (You must be logged in to answer)
I wonder how this poor, put upon husband would feel if his wife got a lover and moved him into the house, too. In this situation I'd say it would be justified. Would that make you happy? It should. She's getting hers, you're getting yours. It might be confusing for the kids, but they clearly don't matter anyway.
Perhaps after a few months you won't be enough for him, either, and he'll move in another woman. Remember Solomon? He had, what, 3000 concubines? If the relationship is about sex there's no reason not to have multiple partners. The only reason to be with only one is for love and commitment, but clearly that doesn't apply to the piece of trash he is. Once you break that trust and bond there are all sorts of unpleasant permutations.
by bluebird   1409 Posts
Posted on 12/15/2009 5:59 PM
0



I think polyaormas relationships neen open and honest communication.  It seems to me that you just moved in (might have missed a few posts)  communication is the key, remember he is a married guy, last time I checked, forsaking all other is still part of them.  There are three people involved her, one has to make a decision that will hurt at least one.
by Jamesalone   3022 Posts
Posted on 12/12/2009 2:09 AM
0



Sns
Since you are all knowing and we are nothing but a bunch of cold hearted, closed minded, uppity, frigid people, why don't you show us what it is all about? Start with the wife......PLEASE! 

Tell her about this site, with the url, and let her come on here about tell us HER side of the story. I mean, after all, she is the injured party in this. She didn't take a lover because her hubby wasn't 'man' enough for her or because he wasn't there for her. She didn't bring home ' the bf' to flaunt in her hubby's face.......
And if we are all losers ( as you have pointed out) then what does that make you since you are on this site too??????

something to think about
by Babygerl   61 Posts
Posted on 12/11/2009 8:19 PM
0



This is what happens when a woman  loses her self-respect  & dignity  & feels proud of being a mistress. His wife might be a horrible person but   she still has a character & self-respect  .  There is a saying  " nothing will bother u once u  become shamless ".
I think this is the reason why  u can never see the point others are making  , cuz to understand that u first have to  stop thinking like a wh**e .

sorry if  u dont like my comments but it is a fact.

TakeCare 
by Best_For   6 Posts
Posted on 12/10/2009 3:14 PM
0



One more thing. You notice she called out Lisa, and Lisa and her wisdom, did not fall for it. 
Now, for me to learn some wisdom.
by sjg   2033 Posts
Posted on 12/9/2009 8:48 PM
0



Honestly, she is coming here to do just what she did, get a reaction from all of us. Mine was tongue-in-cheek, but she still got one from me. 
If some of us that have been here long enough to know her could catch her when she first posts, and write do not reply, please. She would stop if she did not get a reaction. 
Really the woman has major mental problems, and I played right into the problem. I am just learning now with my ex, who has a mental problem, not to play into his illness. 
Maybe, it will stop.
by sjg   2033 Posts
Posted on 12/9/2009 8:46 PM
0



This stupid thing is still going?
If you were a murderer, sns (an appellation that appears to be an oxymoron), would you go to a site for families of vicitims and explain to them why you murdered someone?
You aren't getting divorced. You're causing a divorce or at least making yourself happy and to hell with the wife and children. You are scarring them for life, but it doesn't matter as long as you are happy. Why are you here? This is for people going through divorce, not those who are doing their level best to make other people miserable.
by bluebird   1409 Posts
Posted on 12/9/2009 3:41 PM
5



SmartnSexy,

You need to ask yourself if you are purposely in this love triangle because you feel you don't deserve better.  Smartnsexy, I'm here to tell you that you do deserve better.

I understand you're probably drained and tired from this predicament, but you need to muster up some courage and gumption to separate yourself from the situation.  It's not selfish to think about yourself at this time.  What is good for you?  To lead a happy life, with self-esteem and a love you can call your own.  It may seem impossible, but it is within your reach.

Kim Hess Divorce Guru
www.kimhess.com
by kimhess   29 Posts
Posted on 12/9/2009 1:59 PM
0



I cannot say that I understand this situation. However, I think that because she is still his wife she has every right to change her mind and want to be intimate. Maybe all she needed was a challenge (you) or a break from him asking her for sex. Because they are husband and wife this is truly between them. Something they need to work out together. Unfortunately that leaves you to wonder what their decision will be or how they want to handle this. Yes it is messed up that she waited so long to gain that desire again. And I understand your confusion about her suddenly wanting to give him a bj. However, maybe that is her way of trying to save her marriage, win him back (when in actuality because they are still married he is hers) and possibly her way of saying "I'm sorry". At this point I think that you stepping away and finding another place to live will end up saving you from some pain and stress during this time as they choose to save or throw away their marriage. And if this issue is about sex, he wants to continue his seeing another woman while she wants him to come back to her then it will prolly end rather bad.
Good luck to you and the decisions you decide to make. Best advice... stay out of their quarrels while they use this time to hash things out. :-) You could end up looking like the bad guy in this and lose everything.
by MamaMaryC   6 Posts
Posted on 12/9/2009 8:23 AM
0



I so hate to say this but I hope the 3 of you fix this mess you are all in.  We are all upset with you not because of you but because most of us here understand what happens when the other spouse cheats and how that feels.  It is your situation which we only get bits and pieces of via your posts.  Our exs or stbxs have ruined our once happy homes so most of us read this story and think "I didn't stick around when I was getting cheated on, much less let the OW or OM in my home."  So a lot of what you are saying no one understands.  I am not trying to insult you but maybe this is the wrong site to ask for advice on.
by MNL   124 Posts
Posted on 12/9/2009 1:07 AM
0



i sincerely pity you if you would accept such shoddy treatment from a man

therapy would help your psychological issues

good luck
by smartcookie36   233 Posts
Posted on 12/8/2009 3:49 PM
0



i sincerely pity you if you would accept such shoddy treatment from a man

therapy would help your psychological issues

good luck
by smartcookie36   233 Posts
Posted on 12/8/2009 3:49 PM
0




Some people just want attention, shock value, whatever.

If you don't like it folks, don't bother to comment. Just flag it and move on.
by mike1493   959 Posts
Posted on 12/8/2009 9:25 AM
29



Then you come here, to brag about how your method is sooooo much better than divorce and that other people should follow your model, because it works so well.  YOU made these decisions to fulfill YOUR sense of a perfect little picture and tried to shoehorn everyone else into it.  Now that, predictably, his wife does not accept your view of this perfect little arrangement and is taking control of HER own destiny, you put the blame on her for ruining your vision of a perfect life.  But then, that's the trademark of a narcissist, isn't it?  "It's everyone else's fault but mine."

This marriage was probably doomed before you entered into the picture...your involvement may not have changed the outcome.  But don't think that your involvement in this didn't make things worse...it did.  Regardless of your "benevolent" intentions, you caused more pain and stress on this marraige than would have otherwise needed to have been endured if they had just gotten a divorce to begin with.  But I'm probably wasting my time and keystrokes here, aren't I?  You still don't see anything wrong with what you did...and you don't feel a shred of guilt, remorse, or regret for any of your involvment in this...only a pang of sadness that your fantasy world of being a live in mistress and "savior" to the marriage isn't the reality you wanted it to be.  I think you're more upset that you don't get to lord it over others that you were right more than the demise of their marriage.

Now that this debacle appears to have ended, hopefully you'll stop posting updates on this failed experiment of yours.  I wish you luck with this mess that you've helped to create.
by BlueB   3108 Posts
Posted on 12/8/2009 9:06 AM
4



You take responsibility for 1/3 of this marriage ending?  Really?  I haven't heard, in ANY of your posts thusfar, regret or remorse for your behavior...only justification for your actions and the deflection of blame to her.  It's her fault because she wasn't interested in sex, so now it's HER fault that the marriage is ending because she can't stand the sounds of her husband fucking my brains out at night...geeze, it's only sex after all...and it's not like it's something she's interested in anyways...  ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS?!  Tell me true...were you extra loud just to twist the knife in a little bit deeper?

I have no truck with swingers...a married couple who BOTH decide on seeking sexual fulfillment with multiple partners.  This was never the case.  SHE never had a choice in the arrangement between you and your lover.  We warned you THEN, when you were contemplating moving in, that this would end in disaster...you dismissed us piously, saying it would work, that the three of you would live happily ever after, you taking care of his needs sexually while she gets to remain wife and mother.  And now that this sad tale is ending, predictably so, in divorce, you still have the unabashed nerve to blame this all on "chemistry that you had to act on" and her inablility to accept you as a surrogate sex partner for him? UGH!

You condemn others on this site for being self righteous and judgmental, but what about your own imperious and narcissistic behavior?  You and YOU ALONE decided what was best for her, without even CONSULTING HER.  YOU decided that it would be better for her to not experience divorce, and talked her husband out of divorce.  YOU decided that it would be better to move in to be easier accessible to satisfy his urges when they struck rather than even force him to meet you in hotels or at your own place...YOU chose to flaunt your relationship with him in front of her openly and in her house. (continued)
by BlueB   3108 Posts
Posted on 12/8/2009 8:43 AM
3



Listen up folks,
Not one of you has actually read the entire story.

PLEASE don't tell me not one of you has ever felt a chemistry so strong that you had to act upon it?

I might be a nut, but I know that I would never deny my spouse sex when physically capable of performing. Which she has been but has been lying about it for over a decade.

You frigid, uppity, legs crossed, closed minded judgemental, haters can't see the forest through the trees. I take 1/3 responsibility if this marriage ends.  She needs to own the third that says "if you ignore his needs he will go away."  
And he is just  a man who needs someone to show him love.  He doesn't want to hurt her but she gave him the ultimatium and he and I are moving out.  She could have had companionship, income, her beautiful home, ect,,,  but over sex she decides divorce and they have to sell the house, divide the cake, stress, hurt the kids... and she has no companion she will be alone.  All of this is, in my view, over sex, something she hasn"t cared about since 1993.

I am not the idiot.

SnS
by SmartNSexy   62 Posts
Posted on 12/8/2009 7:07 AM
1



Oh my goodness, SNS, welcome back, you are just in time for a lot of new ones to read your posting. 
I want you to know you have all my support. Matter of fact, God, told me the other day, you would be coming back to the site and to tell you this: Your butt is getting a little to big for your thong underwear you spoke about wearing in your first post here. So be careful there maybe a third added to your party.
Oh my and the fact that you will give a BJ and she won't!!! Tsk Tsk on her. Maybe you could show her how, on a cucumber, or something. And, just think after he has sex with her he can come get a BJ from you!!! How exciting you are getting a taste of both of them....***wink~wink*** if you get my drift. Oh my I am being naughty. :)
Oh, SNS, I just cannot believe that you sold your home. Darn, shame on them, and most of all his wife! Can you believe her??!!! Now, she has changed her mind!!!! Oh dear, just think how upset the children would be if you had to move out. Oh I have tears in my eyes thinking of the horror of the damage of you moving out would cause. 
Whatever you do, girlfriend, don't you get yourself any mental help, and think about moving out. How would this family function without you??? Oh have mercy, you are the best thing that ever happened to a woman. Lord have mercy, to be able to say "I have a headache." and have your man have someplace else to go. Why, that would be heaven! Just like having a maid to clean up for you.
Just keep posting and venting. I am here for you girlfriend. Now, you take care, and don't forget, loose some weight, you know what God told us about your butt. 
Bye Bye now.
by sjg   2033 Posts
Posted on 12/8/2009 3:06 AM
20



all 3 of you are messed up.  and all need therapy.  what good do you really think will ever come of this ?  how does it feel to be used as a female dog in heat with your door open, waiting for your horny dog to open the door ??  do you have any self worth, or values any more.  is you whole life just about srewing a married man ??  do you get off knowing his wife can hear you ? get a life.
by oldfashionfool   194 Posts
Posted on 12/8/2009 2:06 AM
0



I feel this blog should be removed..sounds like an episode of Big Love...such a waste of space!
by Joyful   1023 Posts
Posted on 11/29/2009 11:55 AM
5



okay after reading somemore of ur stupidity either your some nutty b**** with nothing better to do than try to write a soap opera or your some nutty b**** that gets her jollies pissin people of. If any of this crap is true....wifey needs to wake up and open up a can of whoop ass and start cleaning house.....take the trash out first (which would be you) and then pack up romeo and start thinking about herself. I haven't seen a reason you give as to why your on this site.....got to be some kinda game. a whore is a whore is a whore.
by tlynn0314   61 Posts
Posted on 11/25/2009 3:50 AM
22



I to wasn't gonna comment but.....WTF? Why would someon join a site where people (myself included) are in emotional hell over a cheating spouse? You said "there's another side of it" or whatever. Did you mean another side of stupid? homewrecker? trash that sleeps with married men? Cause like I told the trash my husband had shacked up with (and who he left right where he found her)....MARRIED IS MARRIED.....and it consists of two people not husband, wife, and husbands sex toy down the hall. I have the same opinion of people that take up with someone they no is married as I do cheaters....your pathetic waste of space and not worth shit in the big picture. Probably to late but maybe you should try getting some morals and values. If that whole thing is just made up to get your jollies....OMG. If it's true they have other sites for people like you....get naked take a pic and join one.
by tlynn0314   61 Posts
Posted on 11/25/2009 3:30 AM
4



I agree with all of these people you are a nut job.  You need to leave that house and leave that man alone.  Get a life!! There is defiantly something wrong with you.
by LISADHORNING   210 Posts
Posted on 11/19/2009 6:56 PM
0



know what it maybe delusions that your suffering from...not sure but i would get it checked out!
by krys   29 Posts
Posted on 11/17/2009 1:03 PM
0



okay i wasnt going to post anything when i first started reading this but there were so many things that were so F'd up and stupid at the same time! the only thing i can say is



****************MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS**************

you maybe suffering from some form of mental retardation...oh and if he gave a s**t about you he would hav left his wife...he didnt so why dont you just leave...go back to the nasty a** trailer park you came from iam sure they will give you back your ragedy a** trailer for a few nights a week on the corner!!!!!!!!!
by krys   29 Posts
Posted on 11/17/2009 12:56 PM
3



Change your 'handle' to Pathetic & Stupid", ok?  Really....wtf?  lol.....
by btrayed   29 Posts
Posted on 11/14/2009 10:27 PM
1





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