Punish your ex 

A solid friendship is a solid foundation for an excellent marriage.  Actually, losing a dear friend can be more heartbreaking than losing a lousy lover.  Bottom line: By marrying you made a committment to your wife and then betrayed her by by abandoning her for an adulteress.
 
I'd bet everything I own that you once considered your wife your, "soulmate."

Your wife is entitled to be furious. You blindsided her, abandoned her, replaced her, and I'd be willing to bet try to you have tried to shortchange her on money and support.

Until she works through her grief and decides that you were not worthy of her after all, she is not likely to be very forgiving.  Even if she forgives, she will NEVER forget.

Her ability to trust a man in a committed relationship is history.

Your lack of integrity and ability to live live up to your vows by being truthful with your wife about what you might have felt was lacking in your relationship with her sounds like a conflict avoidant coward. My money says you were a totally dominated Mama's boy or a spoiled brat who always got what he wanted right when he wanted it.

The, "I have found my soulmate and just love being in love feeling ALWAYS wears off after a few years. Then true love must into play.

My prediction: You  and your new soulmate will recycle your baggage through your new relationship because infidelity is NEVER  the spouse's fault no matter how many excuses, how much finger pointing you do....you will always know deep down inside that you  have no integrity.  And, a man without integrity is not a man.

Good luck to you and your new, "booty call."   You will need it.  Happiness found at the expense of the innocent always turns to bitter ashes.

Wow!  I cannot believe the nerve of some men.  You cannot honestly believe you have done the right thing by you "original family"?  Who do you think you are to ruin the their lives because of your selfishness?  It will come back to you three-fold trust and believe!  I wish you no ill-will, you have taken care of that part on your own!

Wow!  I cannot believe the nerve of some men.  You cannot honestly believe you have done the right thing by you "original family"?  Who do you think you are to ruin the their lives because of your selfishness?  It will come back to you three-fold trust and believe!  I wish you no ill-will, you have taken care of that part on your own!

Sorry pal.  I have NO sympathy for you.  In fact, I hope your ex doubles up her efforts to make you miserable.  After all, you conveniently forgot to clue her in on your cheating ways until YOU were ready!  Men like you are the scum on a snakes turd.  Karma is a bitch isn't it !!  This so-called 'soulmate' of yours is just a piece of ass.  Once the novelty of your sex wears off, it will be a routine relationship just like all relationships become.  Problem was, you could not handle the day to day life of being a family man.  You are just as stupid as my ex-husband for trying to shift your blame and guilt off on her.  She is pissed and with every reason.  Your kids will eventually fully understand what you and miss soulmate whore did to the family.  Best of luck to you then!!

Well, I know what your wife is feeling.....it really hurts to find out that the man you loved, married, and had a family with has left you for another woman. There is lots of pain and anger that is generated in that kind of a situtation. How do you think that your wife should act? What is she suppose to feel? You shattered her world and your family with your selfishness and you should feel guilty.

What did you think would happen when you made the decision to cheat on your wife? Did you ever think about you kids while you were cheating?

At this point, the damage is done!!!! You need to be patient with your wife and understand that she is hurt and angry.

Try to do as much damage control as possible for the sake of the children. Best of luck to you.

What do you do about her anger?  Accept it.  Of course she is angry.  Duh?  You left for someone else, started your own "happy" life and left her to clean up the mess.  Your sad because you can't spend enough time with the children?  That was your choice.  Deal with it.

You just gave me an idea. I'm going to include a copy of his letters to me when I  put it in the newspaper, since she already refused service and my lawyer said that's the way to serve her.

Lovely little Christian girl. Goes to church every Sunday. Everyone in town thinks he's divorced. Not. She fucked a married man.

I don't talk to my stbx at all. Still, he'd be better off if I did.

'I never thought I could find anyone I could trust completely until I met you. You will always have all of my love."

My husband's letter to me. Then he went off and fucked another woman.

Now she fucked someone else.

I hope your soulmate fucks another man. Only then will you understand what you have done.

Based on the actions of your Ex sounds to me like you made the right choice in leaving her.  Keep your head held high, don't stoop her trash level and drop the feelings of guilt.

Also take comfort in that some day  your kids will understand the true nature of their mother.

The person who is lucky is the soon to be ex wife. Maybe she can find a "real" man who loves, honors and cherishes her not some "loser" who is trying to justify his cheating by blaming her. I will never understand why people who cheat try to lay blame on the spouse they are cheating on. Just own up and admit you have no morals. Be adult enough to tell your spouse you want out of the marriage.

Just remember one thing teetering, what goes around comes around.  

Maybe your ex-wife thought you were her soul mate.

Maybe she was shocked and hurt that the person she looked to as the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with - betrayed her.

Maybe it's the fact that she is left alone while you move on with your life - free of the carnage you've created.

It could even be because she sees you as being happy after all the humiliation, hurt, and pain you have caused.

Perhaps it is because she could never do to you, what you have done to her.

I guess the good news in all of this, is the fact that, although she doesn't know it yet, she is so much better off without you.  Enemies are one thing, but those who pretend to love while lying, cheating, and stealing the days from our lives are so much worse.

What you are experiencing is not guilt.  It's the realization that you have been exposed for what you really are.  Hopefully the same thing never happens to you.  You couldn't handle it.

Good luck to your family, and of course, to you as well. 

It might help not to put yourself out there to be flogged. This site has way to many angry people. You can't control how someone behaves. Been there. Save all the emails for your kids when they are older. Only send nice short notes.Do not get upset about what other people think. No one with any sense thinks someone is all evil or all good. She wants you to get upset. It only serves to remind you how lucky you were to find someone really who cares about you and does not see you as an ATM. You are not responsible for her happiness. Develop your own relationship with the kids and be consistent.  The saved emails may come in handy if you go to court someday to show how you behaved.

Another sicko cheating slimebag who wants to "help" his wife and tries to put himself in the role of sperm donor instead of husband.  Your vows:

I promise to love, honor, and cherish, as long as my ejaculated sperm do live."

I'm in your wife's shoes. I'm very angry at my STBX because of a few things and he doesn't think I have the right to be angry. He wants judges to tell me to stop being angry. He tells people that I'm crazy because I'm angry. Here are some of the reasons why I'm angry that could be some of the reasons why your wife is angry. Hopefully this should give you some insight.

1. As stated by others, YOU made this decision that affects HER life and she HAD NO SAY IN IT. You say that you two were best friends. You should be. She's made A LOT of decisions based on your COMMITMENT to her. Had she known that you would leave for "someone better" than her I can tell you she would have made a lot of different choices. Maybe she's mad because a man was interested in her a few years ago that if you hadn't been around she would have pursued a relationship with.

2. You are IGNORING her. Again, you are invalidating her feelings. She already feels a degree of frustration and helplessness because you have taken complete control over her life and she can't do a damn thing about it. The e-mails are her way of trying to be heard. I'm guessing that you probably didn't apologize from the heart and then follow through on that apology every single day. If you want to eventually have a decent relationship then you have to take the shit she's dishing out and acknowledge her pain. She doesn't expect you to change your mind, she expects you to recognize her as a person...and treat her with the RESPECT she has EARNED as your FRIEND, WIFE and MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN! because your cheating on her is not respecting her.

3. SHE HAD YOUR BABIES! Men don't seem to really comprehend what that does to not only a woman's body but her self image and self esteem. It affects every aspect of a woman's life for a long time. So many men leave their wives after she has children for that "sexier" woman. PLEASE! It's selfish.

So SUCK IT UP. You made your bed and now you have to lay in it.

If she cheated with you she will cheat on you and you will do the same thing. I can't think of a better relationship than two losers hooking up.
I hope she makes your life a living hell!!
Your wife is lucky to be rid of you!

Who the HELL let my EX-husband in here?????
Listen Teetering....you have a PROBLEM!  You cheated on your wife and decided to leave a marriage with 2 small children.  Geee...I wonder why your ex has anger issues???  Sympathy, here you will get none from me!  I have walked in your wife's shoes, I have been asking myself WHY??? over and over again.  My answer to why is HE is responsible for HIS actions.  He was selfish and does not have the ability to love anyone more then HE LOVES HIMSELF!!! You are just a big of a whore as the HOMEWRECKING SLUT you decided was more important then your children and thier mother.  The silver lining with you is that you are already getting EXACTLY what you deserve!!

Hmmm, I wonder how come your conscience is bothering you now when you never even had one before.

"purveyors", big word. Nice.
 Look you can color it anyway you like, if you want to think your situation is "different" then by all means go ahead. Everyone's entitled to their opinion. You're obviously happy with the choice you made so why be bothered by stranger's replies to YOUR question? I'm learning to look at things a little more black and white these days as a defense tactic, other wise the eternal "why did this happen" will drive me crazy. So if you strip it down to the facts it amounts to you are married and slept with someone other than your wife. Tahda! There it is, mystery solved. Since you asked, no I don't text my husband at all hours of the night with random insults. I do however speak my mind when he sends me a text message 2hrs before his scheduled visit to say he's sick and can't come, but oh how he hates to miss a day with his son. So sad. I reply that this is a consequence of his choice to abandon his family. If he didn't think that f&%$king his coworker was so important then he would see his son everyday. He gets no sympathy from me. He's done such a good job of putting his needs first that I no longer need to do it for him. As for your wife, I think she's a cheater too. And if she posts some whiney bull on this site then I would copy and paste my reply to her as well. I will not be dating until after my divorce is final because I do NOT cheat. Life is short, enjoy your new begining with your soulmate.

Thanks for your thoughts Renay, but I'm fairly certain you've given the posters a new target.  Duck!
Not to say that I totally agree with what you said either.  
I will post one further thought.  How many of those posters who fall in the "rot in hell, miserable turd" category are now or have been the purveyors of this type of anger and hate to your ex-spouses?

She waited!...She waited for two weeks AFTER you were out of the house to date. That is not alot of time, but she did nothing to dishonor the vows she made, unlike you.

Why would you choose to bring children into a "partnership"? Children should be brought into unconditional love not partnerships.

I think you are downplaying or possibly delusional about the importance of you marriage to make what you are doing to her and your family make YOU feel better.

Give her time.

Let me first say that I have been cheated on and been the other woman. Having said that, here is my perspective (I can hardly wait for the bashing to begin):
Your (ex)wife is hurting tremendously. All emotions are based on one of two things: love or fear. She is reacting out of fear. She may not admit it, but her actions show otherwise. Despite her fear, what she is doing is wrong, no matter what you did. If for no other reason, it is wrong because of how it affects your children. If I were you, I'd have already put a restraining order against her. She is completely out of line. I would also be questioning her ability to raise your children.

When you love someone, you want them to be happy, regardless of what that means. In my case, it hurt to know that my husband had fallen out of love with me and into love with another woman but I never spoke badly about him to others. I even, when asked about the demise of our marriage, cited irreconcilable differences. I didn't want anyone to know that he'd had an affair. When we went for marriage counseling, the first question the counselor asked was, "What is missing in your marriage that caused this to happen?" Because if it happens, there is ALWAYS something missing. 
As the other woman, I am NOT laughing about you finding your soulmate. I think its wonderful that you finally found each other. You don't fall in love with someone based on whether or not they are married. It just happens. Although my affair with my lover hurt a lot of people, that was never our intention. We never purposefully hurt the people we cared about the most.
I can hear all you women out there now questioning how much we really "cared." Think about this: There is a big difference between loving someone and being in love. Just because he fell in love with someone else doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. Instead of badmouthing him, give him a chance to make amends.

Teetering - I wish you the best in life and love.

I do appreciate the insights, even if they have been made without a true picture of the situation. 
I apologized many times, for so many things -every bit as elloquently and thoughtfully as I could think to do it.  Still, here we are.  
To paint the picture a little more clearly, she began dating another man less than 2 weeks after I was out of the house.   We loved each other as a means to an end -the end being the ability to get married and start a family.  In 12 years of dating, we held each other's hand about 10 times and said "I love you" even less.  We didn't show each other we loved each other because that love wasn't there.  We were partners, for sure and for some that's enough.   I know she agrees that at our best we were content with one another. 
Frankly, if her anger came from the loss of love, I would respect if more.  But now it's contrived and serves only to hurt me, herself and the children. 
Aside from burning in hell, I'm trying to live a life separate from her but together with my children in a way that gives them the best I am capable of.  This is the life that I have chosen.  I'm prepared to deal with (and help my children deal with) whatever logical consequences may come from my actions -many of them listed in your responses.  I would help my wife too if she would let me.
   



  

She's grieving your marraige and trying to get through all of the complications brought about by your affair. She's going to be angry...for a while. Eventually, it will lessen, but you really threw her for a loop. It probably wasn't just a "solid friendship" to her. Remember, you're a few years ahead of her on this change, you need to be patient and empathetic; think about the big picture. The two of you will be interacting for years because you share children.  If she's really crossing the line in front of the children, maybe you can have a conversation with her acknowledging your role in this, but hoping that the two of you can work together to minimize the damage done to the children. 

Eventually, she'll realize that this may be the best  opportunity of her life. That she gets a second chance. She deserves someone who really loves her and wants to be part of her life. He's out there waiting for her.

Jesus that made me laugh this morning.

"You're a miserable turd"

I suggest you try the 'I cheated on and left my wife' support group next door.

You're a miserable turd. It amazes me how every cheater on the planet has the same story. "I never ment to hurt anyone, it just happened." I thought I loved my wife/husband until I found ...(insert skank's name here). Bottom line is you did what was good for YOU and you alone. You may have considered what damamge your actions would do to your wife and kids, but you CHOSE to do it anyway. YOU are the cause of their pain and suffering. No matter what problems you may have had in the marriage, you did not have the right to have an affair. You made a promise to love your wife in good times and bad. Just what the hell did you think that means anyway? I'm sure your wife would have been able to move on if you had come to her before betraying her and tried to work on the marriage. I know if I had been given the opportunity to fight for my husband and it didn't work out then I wouldn't feel half as destroyed by him. There's no point in telling you to take it like a man, if you were a man to begin with you wouldn't have done this to her. So go to hell. And say hello to my husband for me when you get there.