I'm seeing someone else... but, I'm still married.  

Dude.....I made the same mistake first time around.  Put yourself into a monastary for a couple of years.  Man up and pull the trigger on the divorce and quit blaming your wife for playing back door man.  The honorable thing to do is to either stay and work on it or bail,  but not into the arms of another woman who's life is just as complicated as yours.  First.  Get clear of the drama.  Second.  Heal.  Work, see your kids, play golf, go to a counselor who makes you uncomfortable and doesn't act as your Greek Chorus.  This takes a long time....if you're mindful as to why you're doing things you're just going to repeat them.  Look what happened to George Bush.  Did he listen to anyone who had been to Vietnam?  Did he care?  Nope and he and his buds got voted off the island.

So you fell in love with someone else. You owed it to your wife and family to make your feelings known before you had an affair. You are not justified for your actions just because you don't like your wife anymore.

I was just going to say that watch Fireproof....I wish my husband did!!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME.  YOU BLAME YOUR WIFE FOR YOUR AFFAIR.  YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO JUSTIFY WHAT WE ALL KNOW IS WRONG!  YOU A A SMALL SIMPLE LITTLE MAN.  YOUR WIFE WOULD BE BETTER WITHOUT YOU.  DID YOU WIFE CALL YOUR LOVER TO SET UP DATES?  WHEN WILL PEOPLE GET IT...NO DO OVERS IN MARRIAGE, GROW UP!

Whatever happened to believing in the marriage vows?? "Till death to you part. In sickness (Mood swings, menopause hell) & in health" (done w/ menopause here now. What abt u A hole..u r going thru Andropause..go look it up. Ur losing ur viritly & have to go get it elsewhere now????). Give me a n F'in break here. You r the scum bag of the earth! Third wife here of a cheater..inspite of a pending divorce..I believe in my vows, even though he turned into a scum bag (guess I was a dumb blond for marrying him & having faith that he would be the perfect husband for me).Well is OK,. "He was such a lousy lover...I found a few since he made the first BAD move". Get rid of the girlfriend , seduce your wife, make her feel sexy & aroused..you can do it  A-hole..or r u too afraid to come up w/something new & different in bed? I'll never forget when I asked my husband, my man, my best friend (gee should be able to ask him anything rt? I asked, "Gee honey have u ever seen a porn film ? " He flipped my prude husband. That was it, I was so turned off by him & would roll over away from him'cause all we did was same ol, same ol week after week after years.UGh!!! God almighty, "Did I ask him to WATCH a porn film w/me???".  No..just wanted to spice things up a bit., but I did NOT go have an affair!!!! hello???  Men..r ur heads in ur penis?? Am I bitter?? Yeah, but so what I will only go to bed w/HOT men & u r not, am sure! Go back tour wife & be a man & WORK on your marriage. Whoever said it would be fun and easy for a lifetime???? Think abt your kids!!!

Do yourself a favor and stop kidding yourself. You married the wrong person, now do what needs to be done and face reality.
be a man and do the right thing for your family and wife...

I think your using your wife having mood swings as a excuse.  I bet ur wife is probably more unhappy than you.  She is probably depressed and not knowing what to do because she has children and where would she go and had would she pay the bills.  Get off your high horse she probably would love to have an affair with someone new exciting, someone who complaints her and makes her feel loved and wanted.  Who helps with the kids and the household chores.  You should like a selfish bast.....  Stop and think about what your doing to your family.  Instead of paying  attention to a women you heardly know.  Who makes you feel good for the moment.  Is she going to want to deal with your kids and take care of them when you have them and how would you feel if your wife met someone else and all of a sudden.  She's happy and your not.  Life is a circle what you shall out will come back and smack you in the face.  Think long and hard before making difficult decision.  Work out your problems with your wife who at one time you were crazy about or be with a woman you don't even know if she'll leave her boyfriend for you.  You need to figure things out.  Good Luck hope you make right choice!

I think your using your wife having mood swings as a excuse.  I bet ur wife is probably more unhappy than you.  She is probably depressed and not knowing what to do because she has children and where would she go and had would she pay the bills.  Get off your high horse she probably would love to have an affair with someone new exciting, someone who complaints her and makes her feel loved and wanted.  Who helps with the kids and the household chores.  You should like a selfish bast.....  Stop and think about what your doing to your family.  Instead of paying  attention to a women you heardly know.  Who makes you feel good for the moment.  Is she going to want to deal with your kids and take care of them when you have them and how would you feel if your wife met someone else and all of a sudden.  She's happy and your not.  Life is a circle what you shall out will come back and smack you in the face.  Think long and hard before making difficult decision.  Work out your problems with your wife who at one time you were crazy about or be with a woman you don't even know if she'll leave her boyfriend for you.  You need to figure things out.  Good Luck hope you make right choice!

I think your using your wife having mood swings as a excuse.  I bet ur wife is probably more unhappy than you.  She is probably depressed and not knowing what to do because she has children and where would she go and had would she pay the bills.  Get off your high horse she probably would love to have an affair with someone new exciting, someone who complaints her and makes her feel loved and wanted.  Who helps with the kids and the household chores.  You should like a selfish bast.....  Stop and think about what your doing to your family.  Instead of paying  attention to a women you heardly know.  Who makes you feel good for the moment.  Is she going to want to deal with your kids and take care of them when you have them and how would you feel if your wife met someone else and all of a sudden.  She's happy and your not.  Life is a circle what you shall out will come back and smack you in the face.  Think long and hard before making difficult decision.  Work out your problems with your wife who at one time you were crazy about or be with a woman you don't even know if she'll leave her boyfriend for you.  You need to figure things out.  Good Luck hope you make right choice!

wow, your quite popular. LMAO, dude, have a little respect. get divorced, do the ethical and morally correct thing. for you, your wife, and your kids.  Research scientist and model, blah, blah, blah, and she doesnt have enough money to move out, let me tell you another, You have fallen head over heals, you need to think clearly.  You may fall flat on your face.  Be careful, model, reasearch scientist, LOL

My stbxh did not cheat...so I don't have an axe to grind. 
Here is something to think about:

She is still with her bf,  her bf knows about you ... perhaps they have an "open" relationship? Her getting together with you may be giving some spice to her relationship with the bf...


I don't have any advice other than:
You have a real mess on your hands!
Oh, and why did you never consider your wife to be a partner or an equal?

Hi Jonas- boy you really stirred up some fire. First I want to tell you that on this site are many who have been cheated on and when anyone admits they are cheating it strikes a nerve.
I also want to tell you I understand the mood swing issue. You stated it as just mood swings but I would bet there is more too it than that.
I am not judging you but I do want to tell you that this other woman, no matter how wonderful she is- is a rebound. Cool it with her for a while and finish things with your wife. Meaning if you are going to divorce her then do it before you go into another relationship. You owe that much to her and to yourself. I know that you are lonely and I also know how easy it is to fall into a situation with another person. I have never done that but have others close to me who have and I understand.
I would guess that once your divorce is final you will find this other woman is not what you think. I may be wrong but I know that in an emotional situation our judgement gets clouded and we cannot see all things. I believe that once the emotions are calm you will see- as many others have that it is not what you thought.
Again- end the other relationship ( at least stay away from her) until your divorce is final and things are settled. Take some time to heal and be able to see things clearly and then call this person.
Good luck to you!

come on didnt you see the blog Married means married you  moron? Listen you can blame your wife all you want to make yourself feel better-but your the ones that doing wrong, dont use your kids for your spinless excuse you owe it to her, your kids and yourself to be honest here. you marriage could be better if you could take all the time your spending with your girlfriend and invest in your wife of couse your marriage will never have a chance with 3 people involved...want your wife once you F-BUDDY at one time too? divorce her and let her move on if you cant stop- Who do you think you are to do that to her and your kids? would you like it if our wife had a boyfrind?and was doing all of this to YOU? one thats lying to her that she needs to save money to move out when I bet your girlfriend has no intention on wanting to leave her boyfriend or she would be gone...you need to wake up to the aftermath that this will cause- you really need to read married means married I think it just might make you think-Its by far the blog i have ever read

Hanging on in a relationship is usually due to being afraid of making a mistake....sounds like both of you are there THis woman you are seeing is saving up money to get out? Wah???? If she is that successful, she shouldn't need to do that. Sounds like she is not sure she wants to let her boyfriend go for you....Sorry to sound cruel...
But you sound the same way...if it was really that bad, you would leave and take the kids with you...I'm sorry about that too.

You have met someone just like you.  One who wants their cake and eat a little cake from another table too....sounds like you two are equally matched.

You gotta decide about your marriage first....you gotta cut off ties with other woman and think clearly....

Funny how the person that cheats comes up with so many reasons why they were pushed into doing what they did. If you were so unhappy divorce your wife, but no can't do that so I will go out and get some. That has made the situation so much better now. Moods swings, you are in for a big one when she finds out what YOU have done. I hope she takes you to the cleaners.

Oh, I feel for ya'  NOT!  If you shared as much of your life with your wife as you do with your girlfriend, you might feel closer to your wife than your girlfriend...get it?  Where is your empathy or compassion. If you are so unhappy in your relationship have the guts to tell your wife the truth and allow both of you to move on.  There is huge difference between privacy and secrecy.  You are not entitled to secrecy...quit blaming your spouse.  You can only change yourself..frankly you sound selfish. 

Have you considered therapy...not for your "moody" wife, but yourself.  Cheating is cheating, it ruins trust and cuts to the bone..  Look in the mirror and see yourself, quit blaming others for your choices.   Infidelity is a choice YOU made.  Either fess up or get your life back on track.  When your brilliant, witty concubine gets old, then what?  Step One: ADMIT!  Denial is NOT a river in Egypt.

WTF is wrong with you guys who can't put up with the mood swings?  Sorry, but that's what my stbx said about me when he moved out to live with the ow.  You ADJUST and get help.  It's called therapy.  Which is where we were but at that point it was too late cuz he was involved with the ow.  You know what, we have to put up with you guys who have the change of life too.  Called the MIDLIFE CRISIS.  So I'm sick of men blaming women for mood swings.  It's a fact of life.  Instead of running away how 'bout a little understanding and help???  Work it out TOGETHER.

Boy did u light this switch board never seen so many comments back on a subject, ok well here goes my imput
cheating? ok well shit happens no one sets out to cheat to destroy their marriage, it was destroyed before u cheated, and yes its wrong, but its also wrong how she has handled the marriage, her mood swings ? she knows she has them, why hasnt she did something about it?, why is she letting things go down the drain? what men have to accept being miserable?, why beacuse you are married to her, and you have to suffer for ever? BULLSHIT, divorce her take the kids tell her to buck up and seek help , just beacuse she has mood swings doesnt mean she is mentally ill for god sakes, Sometimes people just grow but in different directions, you had a life with her, and its the end of the story, now u r ready for another chapter in your life.
 life is short way to short, live your life to the fullest and enjoy it my friend!!

REBOUND.

Face it. Embrace it. Take the time to deal with the ending of your relationship, come to terms with who you are, and come out the other side as a better person. Grow a pair, eh?

Well I am going to try to keep this unjudgemental.  Ten years ago I was married to a really nice man but he had mental problems.  We didn't have any kids yet but what happened was horrid nevertheless.  THe man I was seeing who later became my next husband kept egging me on and I ended up havig him kicked out with a restraining order which was absurd he would never had hurt me but he digressed into drinking and was so so sad.  I will never forget what I did to him.  He is fine now but it took a long long time.  I had tried to get a divorce the  year before but I was having job problems and quite frankly was scared.  So, I created a situation where it looked like I was within in my rights after all I deserved love, the best sex ever and someonw who really gave me the attention that I deserved.  Well like I said we ended up together, had a wonderful child and he became psycho with me.  Had to divorce him and although he is very involved with our child is a total pain in the butt otherwise.   He had soooo much baggage.  The sex and "love" we felt is something I will never forgetr but that ended in no time.  THen it was about control.  What I am trying to point out is that yes, everyone needs an outlet but what you are playing with is fire of the nth degree.  You could lose your kids and end up sending your wife to a hospital and causing all kinds of added trauma.  PLease investigate divorcing her, cool off on the relationship (if it is meant to be it will be) and start facing what you created when you said I do the first time.  Otherwise, it just might bite you in the a    s.  Hope I didn't come off too strong but I have been there and it wasn't pretty.  I can't even imagine having children while this is going on.  Thanks.

I can see both sides of this, as EricaM mentioned.  While I also don't condone cheating, I absolutely undertstand the need for companionship, friendship and someone that you can talk to and confide in and laugh with and everything.  I recently ran into someone I dated many years ago and we talked and laughed and had a great time.  We still talk, but there is no physical component, because we don't live near each other and this whole process is hard enough without adding another twist. 

I think that your friend should understand that you can't be physical with her if she's really serious about continuing this after you are divorced. Don't complicate matters in your marriage/divorce.  If you are deciding to divorce, do so.  Plan appropriately to protect your children, your interests and your life... then move forward.

Some in here can pat you on your back. Hell I'm not. I read this chit and thought to my self WTF is wrong with this dude. You talk about your wife never an equal and then you start telling how great the other woman is compared to your wife and yes you made a comparsion. For one you go get a G/F and then worry about your so horrible wife may do some thing to the kids if you leave. For one if she is having mental problems I can see why This woman could never please you because who knows what and is losing somthing she has actually put her life into by giving your azz kids and you repay your kids no matter good or bad they are and this woman with this shit. You don't have a clue do you. Hmmmmmmmmm now let look pass your own nose here for a min ok. This woman you put down is watching her marriage go down the drain and she is helpless to do anything about it so she has to watch all of this play out  and unfold. I wish you would have done the right thing by just divorcing her for what ever reason and then met this ot/w you would have been better off but now you throw more salt in the wound by betraying her.  And that way you  would only have one drama going on instead of 2 there are times when you have to think of what the hell you are doing. I am not talking about right vs wrong here  but you have to use common sense really. But good luck I think your getting played big time myself.

This sounds exactly like my wife.  She is the one who has moved out, and she is the one with the boyfriend.  She is contantly having the mood swings and blaming me for things.  She is the one wanting the divorce.  Doesn't matter how much it hurts the kids.  I love her still.  I would stay and do what ever it takes.  But you reach the point where there is nothing you can do.

My friend,
 one thing i noticed when i read in your story was your comment the gf is "saving up to move out" hhhmmmm.... she is a scientist, and part time model, sounds like she should be pretty financialy stable if that is true. watch your step.
 Wow the readers hammered you here, mostly women who were cheated on, wonder why their husbands wandered, I think i know why.
 It takes two to make it work, it takes both parties to make it so miserable at home that one wanders.
 The new girl makes you feel wonderful, how can you possibly stop that affair ? I think you will not be able to,   The ones here that said stop the physical part have no idea how strong the emotional bond actually is. she makes you feel wanted, needed, respected, and gives you the things that disappeared from your marriage, obviously long ago.  
  Your gf is likely the only thing you have to look forward to. And for the record i am a male, i did not cheat, my ex did. i have custody of my son, i do all those daily things, laundry, cooking, and cleaning, ect, ect, ect.
 Unfortunately most of the "advice" i read comes from people who have a grudge against a cheater, and of course " yes you are" If you can live with that, i say more power to you, if you can't....wellllllllll ?
 Its just an opinion, and remember what i am "charging for this advice" seek legal representation immediately, also talk to the one person who's advice you trust most in the world, be honest with yourself, about everything. Make decisions only after careful thought. Maybe the new gf is the best thing that can ever happen in your life, maybe not. maybe staying with your wife is the thing that will make you happy maybe not. Ever go to vegas......?????
 Depending on what state you live in,what happens now will make a big difference in your case.
 good luck my friend

Jonas, I admire you for trying to make it work with your wife.  Good luck!  Wish my ex husband had been as good a man as you, but he left for the other woman.