I see a lot of similarities in our stories. My STBX e-mailed me in the morning and closed the e-mail with "I love you" then came home from work said he wanted a divorce and that he didn't love me anymore. Talk about being confused. I couldn't understand how after 13 years he could love me in the morning and by the afternoon tell me he hadn't loved me for years a wanted a divorce. Well, once I found out about the OW it was perfectly clear. I just wanted to tell you that the one thing I read in your story that prompts me to write is how you are printing out his internet adventures. GOOD FOR YOU! Don't delay documenting anything no matter how trivial you think it might be right now...you don't know how important that could be down the road. You are entering a battle for the financial resources you need to take care of your children. You are strong. You can do it. You have no choice...you are a mother. Good luck.

Thanks guys....I am so glad I found this site. I even recomended to one of my mom's friend that ending a very abusive (physical and mental) 41 yr marriage. For the first time in months i actually feel like i'm moving forward (who cares if it's baby steps). I'm just happy right now knowing I have something other than my children (don't take that wrong I'd die for them) to open my eyes for in the morning. My house is cleaner these days, my legs are smoother (actually doin up keep on my appearence these days), hair is shiney and healthy looking. And this is the longest I've gone w/o trying to e/m since he left. I just hope I can stay in this mode and even though I may cry some keep pushing forward. I hope you guys realize the positive influence you've been since I joined this site. I repeat I finally found people that actually get it and understand it takes time rather than tellin me to suck it up. Hoping if I just stay focused on my boys and the future and try not to dwell on the past I won't fall back into that depression that once I thought about it was disgusting....I feel like I'm climbing out of a hole or something. Anyway hope ya'll understand what I'm trying to say.

Hang in babe. You will be ok. I went to visit LIP last week. we had a blast doing karoke. She has a great voice! I told her I was depressed and she said I could have fooled her. Three men asked for my phone number, but I said no. I danced the night away. Still, all the attention I get, and it's been a lot, hasn't made me completely well. I still want to know that the husband loved me. He didn't. Still, it helps a lot to see that others do. I'm working very hard on trying to heal. when I say a lot of men, I actually made a spreadsheet. It's over 100 that I have gone on dates with. No, I don't sleep with them. It's just dinner, usually not even a kiss. I go once and decide to say no to the second date most of the time, although I've had 2 boyfriends. I am wondering if I say no since I am not ready to be with someone or if there really are that many unsuitable men. I say no to a lot of dates too, so wonder if I meet them at the wrong places. It's usually wine tastings, lectures, stuff like that, although barnes and noble and the grocery store seem to generate a lot of interest! Cheer up! I am dating since if my x cheated it makes me feel undesirable. I do feel somewhat more desirable now, but clearly I'm still a bit messed up.