Thank you for you advice. I live on a cul de sac as well where everyday I try as fast as I can to get in my car to leave, or get out and run into the house without anyone stopping me to talk. Last weekend a nosy neighbor did ask, and I felt so horrible explaining such a personal situation with a virtual stranger. The weekends have been the hardest and I find that I can't stop thinking about what he is doing... let me rephrase... what BAD things he is probably doing and the fun he's having with his single friends while I'm home crying my eyes out. My imagination is going wild. The scariest thing is thinking that this is probably only the beginning of a long and terrible road, and if I'm having such difficulty dealing with it now... what will happen weeks or months from now?

Thank you. I have stopped saying I am trying to get better. YOu know what Yoda said, do or do not, there is no try. So now I'm quoting from star wars? LOL. So, I will get better. YOu will too. I just wanted to be ok by now. I will heal, I will, I will I will.

I don't really know. I think I loved him, I'm not sure. I have to wonder if I miss the comfort of it. It was familiar. It was easy. He was mean to me a lot. I had chances to cheat but always thought of how hurt he would be if I did so I never did. Then he did it to me. I am angry and hurt. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I think I broke. I was doing better but am stuck again. I think I should have gotten past it at this point but I haven't.