Dear Sbear: If you can find a S-Anon group in your community, joining a 12 step group may be of great help to you. Your choices in response to a marriage that lacks emotional intimacy, compassion and empathy shouldn't hold you back for making decisions that meet YOUR needs. Anger is most often a result of having unmet needs. You may have made choices to meet those needs that are choices others may not have made. The most important thing for anyone living with a sex addict is to learn that the person is suffering from an addiction; you cannot force anyone but yourself to change. My own situation is a bit different from yours and the sex addiction was one of numerous addiction issues in my marriage; alcoholism, obsessive exercise, pot and my own codependency. All of these were factors in the failure of a 20 year marriage. Reflecting back, my ex's pathological lying ( of which I chose to ignore) was more damaging to me than his other addictions. How does one ever learn to trust again? I joined a small S-Anon group this month. After 19 months of feeling angry/sad/ hurt/angry/resentful/responsible/angry..... you get the drift, it's time to work on myself. Having the weekly support of other women who have or are experiencing the emotional roller coaster that exists in any relationship with an addict, these women provide the affirmation and empathy for which I've been searching. My only other thought regarding your situation is to consider the impact of your choices if you decide to divorce. My ex was punished severely by the mediator during our mediation prior to the divorce (required in my state) for his cheating and overall "bad" behavior. I live in a 50/50 state and was awarded 60/40. Why, because I was faithful for 23 years, my ex gave me Herpes Simplex II, never told me the truth...who knows, I could have had HIV AIDS. Because I believed him when he told me he had never cheated, and had no idea if I really had herpes ( just hitting menopause at the time) I never had a Herpes test until after he left. Had he acquired HIV/AIDS and

Hi, welcome to d360. Let me know if I can help with anything at all. I thought I’d send this quicky ‘how-to-get-started’ note and leave it on your wall. I hope it helps you. Here’s what I usually do here. Everyday I 1) log on to the site. Simply type in your email and password to get started, then I come here, to the MyStuff/Profile page so I can see if anyone has answered my blog or question. If they have, I click on it and answer them back. 2) then I check the ‘scroll’..that’s the stuff at the top of this page. It changes every time a friend does something, like post a blog or comment on a question. TRICK: the more friends you have here, the more your ‘scroll’ changes. So make sure to befriend lots of people. 3) then I usually change my status…that’s up there, on top of this page, by your name. click it and type in whatever you are doing…’getting coffee’ or ‘going to lunch’. When you update that, it notifies all of your friends in their scroll…so they know you are online now. 4) then I usually add a new question or a new blog post. That’s easy to do…from here look up a little on the page and see the words Blog and Advice. Right next to each one is “add new’. Click that and start typing. Hit submit and your post goes directly to the site home page for everyone to see and read and comment on. Blogs are usually longer and more detailed, while Advice/Answers are usually quick questions you need help on right now. Read some other members to get a feel for it and then start your own blogs and questions! 5) then I start answering other peoples stuff…I’ll read blogs and post my comments…and I’ll read questions and post my answers to try to help other people. That’s the goal here. All of our opinions and experiences really help. 6) then I’ll start writing on some of my friends wall…..that’s this area right here. It’s really good for quick questions to one member or personal jokes or a little note. 6)click the People tab to see what members have something in common with you and say Hi. Thanks and welcome…paula