You will get there strength wise too...It doesn't happen overnight...It is a slow process and having some control over parts of it helps, I think...I couldn't control the fact he was going to divorce me, but I didn't wait around for him to file...I did...I didn't wait for him to tell me how it was going to be after he broke it to me, I told him how it was going to be...It was my small way of reclaiming a little back...Believe me, months of therapy and months of blogging and talking to my Chaplain...Months of pretending...Someone very smart on here once said fake it until you make it...Well, I didn't totally get that at the time but as time went on, I did...and then I didn't have to fake it anymore, I was ok....Hugs to you, you will get there.

I seen in your story that you were assaulted and he said that you asked for it. I'm sorry, but that is pure bs. on his part. No one asked to be assualted and even if he only said it out of a bad moment, it's still bs. I know, my wife was physically hostle towards me and I never asked for it. I am sorry if I am over stepping my place but I couldn't help but get upset over this. You are not guilty for what happened and I just really wanted to express that. Take care.

I'll tell you this--my therapist keeps twisting the knife that my wife stuck in me. And the excruciating pain of that has produced the most rapid period of personal growth that I've ever experienced. Not that it doesn't suck, and not that I don't hate every moment of it. But the pain is not wasted. It never is. Hang in there. (And I remember the nights of driving aimlessly, listening to loud music, going too fast, and hoping that my car would spin out of control...it gets better...aimless drives become pleasure cruises.)