My stbx spent a lot of time looking into our finances and asking a lot of questions, which he never had before, got his own checking account, got a PO box. One morning 26 days after we moved into our new house in the new town where we went for his job, he said, at 7:30 in the morning, 'the movers will be here at 8:30. Here's your separation agreement.' We had never discussed a separation or divorce before. He even said he wanted to move out and date me! He had someone else. I never knew. I don't know your wife. However,once a third party is in the mix, it's frequently difficult to impossible to fix the marriage, especially if she doesn't want to. Do yourself a favor. Put off the refinancing for at least another 2 months. Rates are going down all the time. YOu can say you talked to a financial advisor about it. You did. I do wealth management. Take your time to gather some facts. I don't know her or you, but it seems that there's a real possibility that she's planning to divorce you. In that case, you each get half of the liabilities and half of the debts. However, you'd be better off taking care of the house in a settlement. I know it sucks. It's horrible. At this point, I think you've given her enough hope. You can't make her love you any more than I could make my husband love me.