Still staying true to my promise to myself. Honestly, I haven't checked any of her pages, and that's been good. I can't necessarily say I'm doing a ton better, but without looking at her pages, I can say at least I'm not unnecessarily doing any worse....lol..I find myself more and more, becoming nervous for the final hearing which is at the start of Dec. It's really just over the unknown. We have no joint assets, no children, and everything else has been decided jointly. We're doing it without lawyers. Just in the back of my head, I fear some wacko judge, or some legal curve ball. I know that stuff, from my research is highly unlikely, but it still makes me nervous. I imagine sometimes traveling to the courthouse and seeing her. It partially makes me sick. I guess the only good thing is, that when it's done I don't have to think the scenario anymore as it'll be over. Maybe then I'll feel a bit better. It's scary to think, well what if I don't start to feel better? I guess that's my fear.

Still clean. Another few days and no viewing of the Myspace page. I really could use a coin...lol...One thing I've learned though is it seems women aren't interested in dating someone who is "separated." I mean, I can kind of understand it as no one can be sure how far along you really are in the process of being separated. My final hearing is scheduled in a couple of weeks and while I'm not looking for anything super serious, dating would be nice. Though, I don't want to date by lying to people and telling them anything other than what I currently am, separated and waiting to divorce. Guess what's meant to be will be. Other than this, I feel pretty good and am a bit excited for my divorce, though of course, scared. Excited because it will done and there won't have to be anymore what-ifs, though, scared of course due to the what-ifs of the hearing. In all honesty, I can't see it being anything more than just a finalization of the process as we have nothing to contend or divide and weren't married for long. So it should be cut and dry. I hope I'm right.

2 days clean from looking at her Myspace page...Where's my coin?..lol...I need to treat doing that like an addiction because it is. I do it, hoping for something good to come from it, but finish up feeling depressed and upset at myself for doing it.