I feel the same as you in that I too feel like I somehow failed my children. I have four daughters and I feel like that will now be doomed in their future relationships. I also understand that part about the kids feeling like they miss life during a seperation and divorce because for the first time in many, many years I find myself actually unable to focus on much of anything else except this mess. The truth is that although we are mothers, we are still women with feelings and a heart that can be broken and motherhood doesn't cancel that out. I am a stay at home mom (at least for now - who knows what will happen once the divorce process starts) and so I spend a great deal of time with my girls. Everyone on this site seems to make a slow but steady recovery so I know there's hope for you and for me and for our children even if it isn't what we wanted!

you're lucky that your mutual friends are still in contact with you. ours have all pulled away from me. now i can see it as just another form of control on his part...i can imagine what he's telling them about me. whatever, i have the ability to make my own friends. I know it's tough to not make waves...believe me, when i'm walking my dog and i have to pass "their" house i'd love to toss one of his stinky packages up on the porch. But eventually what goes around comes around...they'll get theirs. ;o)

by the way, as far as your ex telling you you have to accept the OW. You don't have to do anything! You can be civil for your kids sake, but you don't have to like her or make small talk or even act friendly. Personally, if i ever have to come in contact with my ex's GF i'm going to act like i'm dealing with the check out girl at the gas station. Be civil, say little. Take care and stay stong!