Hi Monika, Sorry I don't get back to this much, but try my hardest especially days like today. I thank you for your post on my wall last month. I appreciate being able to lean on people like yourself that are in such similiar situations. What struck me in your post to me was being repulsed by my stbx as well. I am playing what I call the "back and forth" game. It's truly tiring and wripping all the self worth I have out of me. I am so scared of what my kids future will hold without their two parents being together. I've longed for a Dad my entire life. He was killed when I was only a year and a half. So the fact that I had this dreamy guy or what i THOUGHT was a dream guy back in high school has turned into something that has taken a path all on it's own with BOTH of us at fault. I sometimes wish I could just blame all the issues on him but being an enabler (me) is just as bad as being the cause. I am having a moment right now and really need someone to help me through this. It's obviously holiday season, kids LOVE holiday season as most of us adults should too. However, all I can now think of is how do I sit him down and tell him I don't want this marriage anymore? WHat's going to be on the Thanksgiving menu? and then right back to how do I remove myself from this? I don't like having sex anymore, I do it more so once a week if that just to not have yet another negative "thing" in the air. This morning the reason for my post to you tho is truly mind boggling. JUST MAYBE it's me but I'd rather get an outside opinion that's worthy of my doubts. So on the drive to work sbtx and I are going at it because of a simple question. I may have reacted more than thought through or I may be valid in my reaction and hurt feelings. I asked him "when are you going to get the job application from the hospital that Ms. L was asking you to come get?" Ms. L is the woman trying to get him a job because she works at the hospital and can get him in as security or housekeeping just to give you background. His online application for whatever reason didn't get to

I'm glad to hear it Monika. Sleeplessness and worry have such an awful symbiosis. I do hope your peace continues throughout the process you have begun.

Monika, I hope today went well for you. Please do check in with how you're doing as you move on from this significant point. Best.