I hope I wasn't too pushy. It's just that my father raped me when I was 3 and my brother started when I was 9, then continued for 2 years. Every day I dreaded going to sleep because my own bed in my own home was the most dangerous place in the world for me. Years later I am still suffering from it. I told my mother once. She didn't do anything. She said it was because I was too pretty. I finally got to therapy years later, but the damage has been done. I am amazed that I keep thinking I've gotten over it, and then I realize it is still affecting my life. You already know he likes underage girls. Maybe your kids are safe now. What happens in a few years when your daughter blossoms into womanhood? Will she still be safe from him then? Should she have to be ashamed of her own adolescence? Teenage years are hard enough without her thinking that she has to hide her body from her father like I did. I really am trying not to be harsh, but I was like a tree that grew in tainted water. I will never be able to go back and grow properly. Now I hide my body sometimes, and other times i'm somewhat promiscuous as a way to take control. I sometimes have sex with a man when I don't really want to when he starts to push since that triggers fear of loss of control in me. I think I married the stbx since I didn't have confidence in myself. I am doing my level best to not let it affect me, but keeping silent about it for many years has caused incredible harm. I'll get off my soapbox now. I just thought you might like to know what it will feel like to your daughter if this happens to her. She will, as I do, hate her mother until the end of her days for not protecting her.

Hi, Sorry it took so long for me to respond. As to custody, I am seeking FULL but I have been receiving alot of heat for it from people on this site. The belief as to men with SA is that he is a bad husband but not necessarily a bad father. I can understand that to some degree, but I feel that my HB has gone way too far and that my kids deserve my fighting him for custody. Im trying, whether I will get it - I dont know. SA is a VERY elusive, pathological problem. You need a therapist who is experienced in this arena bc Men who suffer from it are particulalry manipulative, charming and engaging. My STBX is like yours - he could charm the habit off a nun! EVeryone thinks he is a wonderful person. No one would ever suspect that he is involved in the smut that he is involved with. He is handsome, clean cut and very conservative looking. He has manners (with strangers) and seems like a nice young genetlman. He is a Dr Jekyll My Hyde. That is why I had to chronicle, log and get evidence of his behavior. He always told me - "no one will believe you". He's right. Unless, I show the proof, I am sure no one will. What state are you in? As far as your HB, I dont think you are being selfish at all. I think that if he is serious, then the marriage maybe salvagaeble but only if he has not had sexual contact with any minors online or in real life. If he crossed that line, then I would urge you to leave...protect yourself and your kids. He is a predator. I dont think a SA is curable - he will always have it. He will have to learn how to suppress his compulsion and make healthy choices instead of destructive ones. As for you, this is just the begining. I was and am still so ashamed of my STBX actions. No one knows except D360 and my lawyers. I am embarassed to tell friends. Its humiliating. Even though its not my fault, I feel like I was at fault for trusting him and letting him into my life. I blame myself in a way. Chat more soon, hope your day is well.

Hi, welcome to d360. I thought I would send you this quicky 'get started' email to help you figure out the site.

1. okay, this is your wall. Members leave semi-private notes or jokes here. Go to any members Profile page (by clicking on their name, and scroll down to the bottom…and there's the wall. You should check it often to see if anyone has left you a note.
2. We are on your Profile/MyStuff page right now. You can do everything from here. All of your friends are here, your blogs, comments and groups.
3. You have private email here as well. Upper right hand corner of this page is your Inbox link. Click it and you can send private emails to any member. Just type in their site name and send.
4. You can ask questions from here. Scroll up a bit from the wall and you'll see Advice. Click Add New and start typing a question. When you hit submit it will be published in real time to the community (and on the home page of the site). Everyone can see it, read it and comment on it. You can come back to it anytime you want to and read the comments from this page as well. Just click it and go.
5. You can post blogs here too. Blogs are usually longer and more detailed personalized stories. Scroll up a bit from here, see Blogs, click Add New and start writing.
6. If you like a members posts or a particular story, you can click the Follow button or the Alert Me link and you will be alerted via email whenever there is activity. I hope this helps. If you have any questions, let me know.

Thanks, Paula