Hi there. I read your story and heard familliar echos, thought I'd introduce myself. :)

Hi, I read it, and yes I wasn't that happy before I meet my husband, I wa lonely I didn't get married until I was 38. My parents had a bad marriage that is why I saited so long. I know that a lot of my happiness I find in my friends or with my friends I do not look to him because he is so different in the way he communicates. I do like him, he does have good morals, and he is the best dad I ever saw. All of my friends do most of the parenting and the husband sort of sits back. My husband is truely hands on, my son is crazy about him. This is the thing I like best. My husband can be a poop and maybe does yes have some abusive ways of communicating, especially the compassion thing which a counsoler has already told him. I do not hink I would be happier with out him. The pain of going through a divorce and ripping the family a part seems like the initial impact would be worst. I am not really interested in finding another person. In fact I don't think I would marry again but then I can't perdictnthe future. I have been in enough relationships to know that another person is not going to fill me up, change me or bring me lasting joy, that is where a spiritual connection comes in, in my opinion. There are a lot of things that I enjoy about life, however it is nice to get along with the person your married to, that is basically what I want, that and I want to feel cherished and loved. As far as the parenting stuff my husband is right on!!! My son is lucky there....................I know I yaked your head off.......thanks for being there..Janae

Lizette, Tahnks for your post. I will read "Is a marriage worth saving. I think that my son is happy although he did say that he thinks that we argue a lot. I tell him that, "it is not his fault, and that we both love him very much, and that our problems were here way before he was born so he diffently has nothing to do with or about him, and that I am sorry if it makes him uncomfortable". We have a family meeting every Sunday where he gets to voice anything that he doesn't like in our family that week. At least I feel that he has the oppertunity to say how he feels. We try not to argue in front of him. If I think my husband is not talking to me the way I think he should I tell him in front of my son. I do not want to be a little mouse who does not stand up for myself and I think that it is o.k. for my son to see that. I am starting counsiling with a women counsiler in the morning. I am a little nervous, I have wrote some of the things down that I struggle with in the marriage. I have also googled defensive people and found the information interesting and right on. I should the information to my husband and guess what, "he thinks that i am the one who is defensive", go figure. However I have noticed that he has become less defensive. He now says, "I'm just listening, isn't that what you said that you want me to just listen"? I said, "yes and that is a step in the right direction, but sooner or later you will have to adress the problems and try to solve them with me". I said, "it isn't about you or about me personally, it is these problems out here, so lets not take it like either one of us is bad, let's just focus on how we can resolve them together". I noticed that I do not have a lot of trust, and I will honor that feeling as a wise part of myself. Have you ever heard of the Dale Carnagie classes? I talked my husband into going. The classes are 12 weeks 3 and a half hours long, it is expensive (especially in todays econemy) but my husband hates his job and he has been in this slump. I told him if the classes don't help him to feel motivated