Our stories a re very much alike as far as "bridges"... My x's b-day was the 15th. I started with the divorce because he wouldnt get a job, was addicted to steoids, and twards the end, was neatly finding was to use my mental illness against me. Something he use to protect. I am bipolar II, and had gone off meds shortly before dating him, but it went real fast. we were married within 3 mos, and then its started going bad. I too, have been contiplating suicide. nothing new because of my illness, but now I felt I had a reason. I never had much value in myself... he just confirmind in my mind, that it was the best choice. Long story short, in the last 3 mos, I have lost 38 lbs, lost$25k, lost friends, and most recent... my health. mental and psyical. I was hospitalized the other night. I have the flu, phnumonea, and fluid in the lining of my lungs. I lost my voice. my blood pressure was 158/90. I decided while sitting in the emergency room, that this was the night that I had to make a decision. And, no matter how painful, I was going to live. no get me wrong, I have spent the last few months obcessing about dying. I cant take it anymore! Then I realized: I DONT HAVE TO.... Its only been a few days, but I cant let him kill me... i need to know that I mean something to someone, that someone loves me. At this point, it has to be myself..... My ERC is tomorrow. Im horrified but curious how I'll be. no matter what, this, just like everything else, is temporary... Hang is there. I didn't give up, standing right there on the edge. You cant either...

Its been a hard couple days. My stbx birthday was on Monday, plus it was the anniversary of when we meet six years ago. I emailed him to wish him a happy birthday. One thing led to another an in a few emails he telling me to find someone else, to go on and live a life that will make me happy. I told him that I couldn't think of finding another man right now, we are still married and its only been six month since we separated. I said that even looking at online dating sites felt like cheating. Well he emailed back that knowing I was looking was the final nail through his heart,no the final nail would be when I meet someone else (but you just told me to find someone else?) That I was the love of his life. Then he goes on to tell me about how to handle a relationship. Please! That who every I meet with have had former lover but I could dwell on that just be me and focus on the relation and that any man will fall in love with you just like I did because you do that to a man. I emailed back that I know all this and that that would not have been a problem if he had ever stopped talking about his late wife and doing things like writing her name on my anniversary card. And that I wasn't the love of his life because if I was he would be here begging me to come back. That you don't kick the love of your live out of your home. He came back with a typical mature answer...F you. He doesn't make any sense and it just confuses me. Why would you walk away from someone you love? I am so lonely, scared, confused, broke, homeless. I don't know what to do. Why could he just be normal acting? Why can't he see that this could be fix and that our lifes don't have to be like this. He hurts me so much. I can't stop crying.

Don't be sorry! If it makes you laugh, then what more could I ask for? If others can find peace in what I write, what greater gift is there to give or receive? Thanks for your post. I'm glad you like