I feel your pain, because I'm in a similar situation. The abuse I had was never physical or even verbal, but was definitely emotional. The games he used to play: I'm mad, but I won't tell you what you did, but I'll get even with you in some way for it. I think that even when we know that this is the best thing for us, we grieve and mourn for all the things the relationship could and should have been. The pain is so real that it feels physical. Sometimes, I swear that it couldn't hurt more if he'd actually stabbed me in the heart in reality, rather than just figuratively. I'll give you the advice that I've been given that helps. Reach out to your support system. Talk to friends and family. If you don't feel you can do that, reach out here. People are here to help and listen and care. I also see you're a teacher (I am, too). One of the reasons this might be hitting both of us so hard right now is that we're on summer break. Sure, we don't have the stress of school, but we also don't have the routine and support of our coworkers--mine are tremendously supportive. Another thing is writing down all the things that are bothering you in a journal. You could write a hundred letters to ex saying everything you ever wanted to say, but he wouldn't listen or hear. You could burn them or shred them symbolically. I haven't tried this yet, but art has also been suggested to me. Get out the crayons or markers. If your daughters are young enough, they might love to be creating along with you (you don't have to tell them why you're doing it, unless you feel they need the therapy, too). You can express your feelings through drawing. There is no logic in the heart. My brain tells me that my ex is better out of my life causing pain and havoc to other people, instead of me. My heart tells me that I love him. One of these days, my brain will be able to override my heart.

I don't understand why it hurts so badly. I have been seperated for a year and some change. I have had occasional sex with the ex during this time. For the past week he finally has stopped calling me. I have not called either. The problem is that since he stopped calling, I miss his calls but I don't want to be with him. He is irresponsible, verbally abusive, mean to my oldest child, and put his hands on me once. For the life of me I can't understand why I am crying now after all this time. This is the 3rd and final time I left. Please help me to logically understand why I love a person who is no good for me?

Hi, welcome to d360. I thought I would send you this quicky 'get started' email to help you figure out the site.

1. okay, this is your wall. Members leave semi-private notes or jokes here. Go to any members Profile page (by clicking on their name, and scroll down to the bottom…and there's the wall. You should check it often to see if anyone has left you a note.
2. We are on your Profile/MyStuff page right now. You can do everything from here. All of your friends are here, your blogs, comments and groups.
3. You have private email here as well. Upper right hand corner of this page is your Inbox link. Click it and you can send private emails to any member. Just type in their site name and send.
4. You can ask questions from here. Scroll up a bit from the wall and you'll see Advice. Click Add New and start typing a question. When you hit submit it will be published in real time to the community (and on the home page of the site). Everyone can see it, read it and comment on it. You can come back to it anytime you want to and read the comments from this page as well. Just click it and go.
5. You can post blogs here too. Blogs are usually longer and more detailed personalized stories. Scroll up a bit from here, see Blogs, click Add New and start writing.
6. If you like a members posts or a particular story, you can click the Follow button or the Alert Me link and you will be alerted via email whenever there is activity. I hope this helps. If you have any questions, let me know.

Thanks, Paula