You are welcom. Who has / how is the custody worked out between you two? It is against the law to prevent kids from having contact with their parents if there is not court order saying the kids can't. He sounds bitter and that means he will keep being a pain to you out of spite. Other than your kids, can he really hurt you or just get pissy at you? Getting pissy at you can be stood up to. I know it feels like you can't get one step forward without getting knocked back two. What can you do that you haven't done yet to get better control over things? What can others do to help you in this? I have seen a lot of people here is similar spots and in time, they have all regain control and moved onto better lives. I think you can to, but what has to happen is what needs to be figured out.

Jeani, Not to step into your space, but after reading a bit of your stuff, I wanted to ask, when did this all start for you? The divorce issue. You seem to be in a lot of pain and understand where you are in the divorce issues help to understand you better.

There is a hole where my heart should be. Every now and again, I think I can feel it beating again. And then, sometimes, the pain is so intense that it leaves me breathless, gasping for air. It is during those times though, when I feel nothing, that I am unable to see tomorrow. There are no skies to look forward to, no sun to look up at, no birds to listen to and no breezes to feel on my skin. For me, in those moments, there is nothing but a greyness. It isn't even black. Black would leave hope for something to be there, hidden purhaps. But no, only a greyness that envelops me like soft gauze, slowly cutting me off from...everything. The more wrapped up I get, the angrier I feel myself becoming. Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? What can I do? What? WHAT?! Despair comes in many different ways. Depression normally hand in hand if not on it's heels....for me, I am here. Wrapped up with no direction, no outlet, at a loss...just...at a loss. I feel as if I have lost everything. Some by force, some unfairly, and some - because I didn't hold on hard enough. Thinking I was doing the right thing. When do you know if it was the right thing?