GP, thanks for your comments. I agree with you, he's the OW's problem now...he hunts and the season begins, i wonder how her whole "i hate guns" thing is working out for him. :o) Anyway, as life goes on it gets a little easier everyday to quell the rage. But i wonder if it will ever go away. Right now the problem is that he's putting off signing the papers (going on three weeks now), and wont pay off the two loans he had me take out for him years ago...i try not to think about either because it takes me to a dark place, and that's like letting him win. I want to believe that he can't hurt me anymore.

It is so nice to know that there are others out there going through the exact same thing we are. I, and my boyfriend, were finally banished from my ex's facebook page, which I'm glad about. I'm done seeing pictures of his skank plastered all over and his nasty comments about how he "finally has a life after 21 years". F you buddy. I made that life for you that you are now taking advantage of. My biggest hurdle now is that our 20 year old son works with my ex and he comes home with stories all the time. The latest is that the skank (who is going through her third divorce) already got them monogrammed bath towels. WTF? Does he honestly NOT see that she wants him to support her and her four skanky kids cuz she can't work due to mental trauma? He complains all the time that he is tired of her "spending it faster than he makes it" yet this weekend, he is driving to Tennessee from IL to go get her a designer $600 dog. WTF man??? I just dont' get it. When we were married, he wouldn't even take me to the doc when I passed out and knocked my front teeth out of my head and had a bad concussion. My best girlfriend drove 5 hours to take care of me while he yelled at me to "clean myself up". ANd he treats this skank like a princess? I gave him everything and got nothing in return. Am I glad he is gone? Yep. Does it hurt like heck every stinking day as I see him piss away my retirement (he got about $60K in my retirement from the divorce which sucks)? Yep. Every day I think about him pissing away the money that I worked so hard to put away for our retirement and now the skank is getting it. He is in bad shape: he is a raging alcoholic, pothead, is impotent and has no teeth. My atty actually laughed at me when I went in to see him (he is an old friend) and said "You are truly trying to save this marriage??? Are you kidding me???" And now I have a wonderful man in my life who means the world to me, but I can't get rid of the memories. I so want to and the anger. I want this anger to disappear and I know it won't overnite. Why does he do so many things for her when she has NOTHIN

Greenerpastures, what I regret most is that I didn't divorce sooner. I'm sixty now and pulling myself together is harder now than it would have been if I threw in the towel earlier. What I have been calling a womanizing man is really a narcissistic personality disorder. His father was the same way. His father left his mother shortly after he was born for another young woman he had gotten pregnant. His father had a bunch of kids by young ladies he didn't stick around for. He died from a heart attack at age 57 so his last wife thought he was a pretty good guy since she was his last conquest. My stbx and I have a 28 year old son. My stbx also had a son with another woman who is now 16 years old. He has no relationship with the 16 year old and he does everything he can to avoid his financial responsibility for him. The crazy thing is I have a great relationship with the kid and my stbx hates that. In fact, he hates anyone who likes me. I have claimed him as my son when his bio dad wants nothing to do with him. The boy is a sweet young man who doesn't deserve this treatment. When my divorce is over he will be able to visit me freely whenever he wants to and that makes me happy. The years of mental abuse has taken it's toll on me but now I feel like I'm back in control by initiating divorce and standing against him in court on his child support case for the 16 year old. Now if he will just leave the house and go stay with his latest conquest in Texas I will be the happiest lady in town. He's been screwing around on me for over 24 years. I have made some new friends I would like to have over but I wouldn't dare while this sub human being is here. I'm praying the divorce process will move quicker than it has so I can legally change the locks on the doors. The next court date is December 4 and we don't have to be present for it. I'm not sure how the process works but I'm hoping something will jump off and a settlement can be made before then.