I've read your post on anabella's comment. While I agree that both spouses need to try to meet the needs of the other, I have to say that if one cheats then it's entirely his/her fault. One's spouse can cause problems for the marriage. One spouse does not cause the other to cheat. There are many possible responses. The thing the other spouse choses to do is entirely his/her responsibility. No one can force you to do anything. You chose your own response. Watching porn excessively is a problem on its own.

I am 49 and have been married for 9 years, my second her first. My first marriage lasted 20 years and produced 3 wonderful kids. My present wife and I are trying to work things out and I promised not to air our problems. I know she spends a lot of time looking for my activities online, thus my spying comment. I married my first wife when I was 19 and then joined the Navy. Things were fine until the children first came into the picture. I became her least priority. There was no time set aside for us. I felt I was being used and ignored. By the time I left the Navy, we had 3 kids and her mother was living with us. Her mother died in 1996 and my wife went into a depression. Same thing is going on with my current wife, sort of. My first wife stopped doing things around the house. We started using alcohol to ease our pains. The computer was just getting into full swing. She spent a lot time chatting. She met a couple of guys on line and from the local bar scene. She disappeared for days at a time. We split amiably. My present wife is going through her own personal loses and I find myself ignored again. This time there is no alcohol in play. I posted online to see if I was of any interest to anyone. A few wanted to chat, which made me feel good, but I didn't chat. I made a commitment when I got married and I will do what I can to make it succeed. I gave my last marriage 20 years, I don't think I can wait that long if this one doesn't start to turn around. My wife will probably see this post somehow. She will undoubtedly think I am cheating and shouldn't be expressing my views. I read post on this site for insight on how to do and not what to do. Thanks to everyone.

Thanks for your comments. You need to post your story so we know more about you.