Divorce gone ugly - Just looking for some thoughts here. I was/am married for 20 years. It was always a challenging marriage as he is an alcoholic. Our daily lives have circled around "if" he was coming home drunk or not, "if" he would be sober enough to manage the house and kids as I left for work or made attempts to have dinner with friends or family. I asked for a divorce three years ago. I was told that he would fight me for everything, the house, the kids, making it a battle I just really did not have the courage or strength to fight, so, I stayed. I asked for a divorce about a year and a half ago, same response, I stayed. As the kids were getting older, I started noticing the effects on them. They did not approach him to talk or ask for anything. Eventually, this turned to downright name calling of their father and remarks of resentment. I knew "keeping the family together" was no longer an option. I planned and timed it out to not effect birthdays, holidays or my son's graduation. Unfortunately, this led to a three month waiting period. In that time frame, I met and began to date someone. Yes, bad, but, it happened. Now, my soon to be ex has discovered that I was/am dating this man and has taken every effort to make it the dirtiest divorce ever. Down to videotapes and threats of exposure, blackmailing me to reduce my settlement wishes. He is self employed and hides a huge amount of income. He wants shared custody and no child support. If he is made to pay because I am fighting for sole physical custody, he wants me to accept support on his w2 wages and accept 1/3 of the house value. We live in NY, a 50/50 state. It is ugly at best and it is my kids in the mix. Just venting, looking for insight I suppose.

Hi, welcome to d360. I thought I would send you this quicky 'get started' email to help you figure out the site.

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Thanks, Paula