Hey chpmunk - I hope you are doing ok. Been thinking about you.

I'm glad it sounds like you have talked to a lawyer. Your ex sounds like he is very controlling and if that is the case, he will likely try to crush you when you show independence. Please remember that you are a good person who may have made mistakes but you don't deserve to be punished for them for the rest of your life. You deserve to have a chance at happiness too! And if you think about it, your ex's best chance to be happy in the future is to deal fairly with you and your children. Revenge is poison - it may taste sweet at first, but it will sicken and kill you in the end. Let me know how the court appearance went.

Hey chpmunk: I think a good idea for you might be to start keeping a log of all contact you have (or don't have) with your ex. Just note when you call, why, and what response or lack therof you have from him. Especially where it has to do with your kids. How responsive he is to questions about the children reflects on his parenting. You may find that documentation helpful if he tries to pull anything sneaky. The person who has detailed documentation of something always has an advantage. If you can't find a lawyer in time for the court appearance, I suppose you could appeal to the judge. They are supposed to be fair and not let anyone get mowed over by a vindictive spouse. You could also post a question here on the legal board and see what other experiences are out there. I went through mediation and didn't have any court appearances or lawyers on either side. Talk to your older sister about the situation, as well. She may have contacts or information to help. Good luck and remember: You are not a monster and you ARE a good mother! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!