Carinosa, that was a great reply on my wall. You're seeing as straight as you can. That's the recipe I believe. Head up, hopeful not hateful, action not inaction. From Socrates: "...just as one man's body is naturally stronger than another's for labour, so one man's soul is naturally braver than another's in danger." You're brave enough, now, Carinosa, from your experience and from what I read of your transformation. You're a new age butterfly, inserting beauty and strength to any situation. I hope you find your happiness each day. Alan

Thanks for your great reply. Are things getting better? I realized too much that I was not a help here, but my e-mail shows when new blogs are posted and I peeked in. I guess I'm also kind of lazy in a certain way, when combined with not being really helpful here, because I hate having to type my entire e-mail and password no matter how often I click keep my signed-in...forever :) You don't know me so no harm really from what I'm about to say, but on the other hand dear lady, I want you to be able to trust people, esp. the opposite gender so I don’t want to show you both light and darkness - even though we all have light and darkness - just how dark is what you and I probably care about! Well, all that was a build up to say why I'm no coming back much... the reason is, IMO only, women don't take responsibility for their husband's cheating, but say hateful things for infinity. Cheating is one action that occurs when wives are medium good and when wives are worse. Many wives are worse, yet country music songs, and this forum - everyone loves to hope the man goes into poverty and pain for his action. Often though, he felt poverty and pain before cheating. It's that fact, and the unforgiveness of women who are terribly heartbroken of course, and very surprised (but only due to burying their heads for 25 years, not listening at all to their husbands but the media and their friends, not feeling, thinking feminism is more important than being a human and a wife, being controlling and know-it-alls since high school - they don't come down-to-earth after marriage) that kind of surprise. Then I don't see them change after divorce proceedings. They spew hatred and look for comfort, give advice, make cruel-sounding “jokes,” and tell others they're nice people. That's why I don’t belong. I'm NOT saying you fit that category, carinosa. I posted because you don’t. No more darkness! Very best wishes to you. :)

I don't know that they ever completely leave your heart...especially if you have children with them...When you are ready, you will know it...I know that after being married for that long, it was scary as hell to even consider dating...I started dating the guy I am seeing mainly to learn how to date, I didn't actually have an expectation...The first date was a little uncomfortable, I was shaking like a leaf...It was enough he could see it and told me to relax...Said that the only rules were the ones that I put in place, said there was no right or wrong way to do it, just what was good for me...I was lucky that I found someone that would understand how afraid I was...Now, the fear is gone but I don't have a desire to see anyone else, I like this one...lol...You will find that when you are ready...hang in there.