Thanks so much for your comments. I'm still having bad days from time to time, less now than at the beginning. I had started to look at the years wasted with the x as just that - utterly wasted time. Being able to help someone else get through it is therapeutic for me as well. I think you're in shock right now. I was. This could explain the passivity. It could also be depression. No matter, keep talking to us here. We get it. Eventually, sooner than you think, the anger will come, and we are ready for that as well. I wrote that all I wanted was for him to love me, later that I wanted him to burn in hell. It happens. You will be ok. I don't know that you can rush it. YOu feel what you feel. I know it helped me a lot to read and have an idea of what was coming, especially finally getting well again. You will be ok. I am looking forward to hearing about your anger. It will tell me that you are going down the path of healing.

Bummed - your wife sounds like she is being very selfish in what she wants to do. She's trying to make YOU feel guilty? Gimme a break, ha! SHE put herself up for the small town gossiping by having an extramarital affair, not you. She wants to create this chaos in her marriage/job then just run away and leave it all behind. Well, it's not that easy, she's got children she needs to think of first. As for you - holding it all in isn't healthy - blogging here is a terrific way to vent and express how you feel. And (without losing it) expressing to her your feelings of what pain she has caused to you and the kids may help. You are not having weird or uncommon feelings, what you are feeling is exactly normal. Have you guys ever sat down (after the first time) and discussed why she felt the need to go outside the marriage? Not that it matters too much now since she's made the choice to go back. Sorry that you're in this position, I wish you and the kids the best. And DON'T let her guilt trip you into anything. Take care.

(con't) healed. You need anger right now. Telling her how angry you are and how she made a mess of things will help you heal now. YOu will be thankful later. It isn't going to change any future reconcilliation, like I thought it would. Would you want her to come back and have to go through this again? I wouldn't. Let yourself be angry. Tell her. Then you can heal. Anger is like cleaning out a wound. YOu don't let the cleaners stay in the wound, but you do need them to clean it. So clean the wound she inflicted with your anger. I am so sorry. I know how this feels. I also know you have to heal from the start, not just put a bandage over the wound. We are here for you.