Thanks for posting in response to my being pissed about paying my ex 1/2 of my 401k. Yes, it is "only money", but like you, I worked damn hard for that money and have never been extravagant. Always used coupons, watched our finances and my ex never did. He smoked, drank lots of beer and also smoked pot. He also had classic cars. The last one, that I thought was supposed to cost us $10,000 was already up over $22,000 out of our company's pocket (he writes off LOTS of stuff the IRS would never approve of and that might get him in the end). And I worked full time our entire marriage and always earned more than he did. He not only got 1/2 of my 401k, but he also got 99% of our securities because I got the house, 2 cars and my large variable annuity that was from working a lot of the years and being careful with money. So while yeah, anger doesn't help, it still pisses me off. Yes, I can make more money. But my problem sounds a lot like yours: Your ex is living high on the hog wiht his mistress (as mine is with his skank who is going through her THIRD divorce) and he is spending down the business that we BOTH worked to build at an unbelievable rate. He took $52K bonus out of it to buy a 1 bedroom house on a river for $240K. You'd think in this economy he could have done so much better. It floods, it is a rattle trap old cabin but he only looked at one house - this house. Just insane. And this skank he is seeing is "bleeding him dry" is what he tells our son, yet he is still with her. So yeah, at least if I knew he was going to wisely invest the money that came out of our marriage, maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad, but he has already told our son that he is going to cash it all in (thank God he will get hit hard with taxes) and piss it away on stupid stuff. He truly was NOT the financial brains of our family. And now our son lives with us and while I have a small mtg on our property, I still have all the utilities, health insurance for our son and food, everything. I'm sure you understand. When I sat down to finally make my budget out a few weeks ago (I've only been divorc

Thanks. I so appreciate some of the things people have posted. Sometimes, someone posts a blog that is almost as if they were reading my own thoughts. It's been very helpful. I know that I will still have bad days and sad days, but I'm feeling more positive, and, though I'm a little scared about the future, I begin to see it in a much more positive light. I suspect that, if his current relationship ends badly (it's headed that way), and he doesn't have a vine to swing to, he'll try to make things up with me until he finds someone else. I can't go through this again. I can't live with someone I don't trust. If he could prove he could be trusted, but, as my counselor says, "Never in a million years!"

wow... i never thought i would hear someone else that posted MY STORY.. my loser huband/mistress tried the same crap with me. she actually got to court before i did and was awarded child support thinking i wouldnt get shit when i got my day in court. BUT i pointed out to the child support office that the oklahoma laws says they can deviate away from the child support guidelines in special circumstances, which was the fact i had my child first. so i ended up getting literally twice as much as his tramp.