You have a different perspective than I do; You say you had an open marriage. That was what the two of you agreed to do. When I took the vow and said 'forsaking all others' I beleived he meant the same thing. Turns out that only I did. I do understand your point of view. If we had both had sex with other people this would be a whole different story. I would have divorced him long ago but at least would have felt that it was even. I understand why, from your point of view, you can still be friends. But the woman you wrote to has a very different point of view. To her it was a betrayal of the highest order when he had sex with someone else. They didn't have an open marriage. She thought it was just the two of them and it broke her heart. To suggest that she should be ok with his friendship with the OW is to disregard her feelings and her point of view. You are open to the idea of friendship. You need to be open to the idea that other people do not have the same codes of conduct or point of view that you do. Whether or not you see them as wrong is beside the point. Their views are different. Within her context, this would hurt her. It doesn't matter whether it would hurt you or not. From my point of view, his cheating broke me in half. I still haven't fully healed. Maybe it was because i wanted sex so much and could have had it many times over. I had plenty of opportunity. I said no to be loyal to him so part of the hurt is knowing that I don't have those lost years back to enjoy.

Oh gosh no I didn't think your were rude or snippy at all! I think you wanted to get your point across so as to not be misunderstood. Hey, I'm actually a very laid back person (orginally from California so how could I not be, haha!). As long as there's no deceit in a relationship, etc. and all consenting adults are involved, hey whatever floats their boats, ya know. I went to Palm Spgs. w/a group of friends and one married couple actually had the wife's ex-boyfriend there sleeping on the floor in their room. But my (guy)friend knew him, who he was, etc. I knew the couple but not the guy and my friend said (to the side) oh, this is Paulette's ex boyfriend, etc. but they were all friends. But I knew she'd be the same with his ex's. I didn't care, not my biz. As long as none of my friends weren't being deceived. Now if he DIDN'T know...I may have had a problem with that.

Okay...you're not hot. I retract my statement. You're average.