How Did You Meet?
we met at work when he was 17 and I was 20.
Describe your marriage before the problem.
chaotic. I had 2 children from a previous marriage. We married after being together for 7 years. I found out he had a drug and alcohol problem after we were married. After 7 years of insanity he became clean and sober. He still is but there have been many highs and lows.
Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.
I have to admit the relationship sounds as if there was never any peace and happiness, but that is not the case. We went from rags to riches so to speak and raised 2 children who are in their 30's and doing ok. We have been by ourselves for 10 years but the past 5 have been extremely bumpy.
What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?
We went to counseling before he left in 2004 and after he returned in 2005. He told me he did not want to be married in 2007. He is still in the house, but we have spoken about divorce mediation because I do not want to live like this, but nothing legal has been done.
If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?
I am afraid that I will become emotionally stuck.
If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?
When a marriage is unhealthy and no matter what you do cannot cause a permanent change, don't wait for something to happen. Do what is best for you and your family.
If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?
For me it was signing the papers. It seemed so unreal and was so painful.
If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?
Try to have as little contact as possible. I know if there are small children that is difficult. I think if you are going to go forward the less contact the faster you can heal.