My Story ::  Sunflower2

How Did You Meet?

A long time ago! While in college I worked part-time for a dry-cleaning business. He brought his uniforms in for cleaning and we flirted and he asked me out. We dated for 6 years, then got married.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

I think we always had problems. I don't think we ever were really married. I don't think he ever really wanted to be married. There was never any partnership or a period where we worked together or functioned together as a married couple.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

Shortly after we married, I was ready for a divorce. But for my beautiful, precious children I would say the whole thing was a huge mistake. It's amazing the older you get, the more clearly you see what's right in front of you.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

I have not filed for divorce. We tried marital counseling less than one year after being married. The counselor wanted us to read 4 chapters from a work book before our next session. My husband wouldn't read it and said "he doesn't learn anything by reading". We didn't return for counseling. He made in quite obvious that he wasn't going to put in any effort. I'm scared to file for divorce, if I lose my medical benefits I could die. I was diagnosed with brain cancer when I was pregnant with my first child and have to have yearly checkups that cost a huge amount of money. With 2 small children, who are my life, I don't work full-time and don't recieve medical benefits. I can't afford medical benefits on my own wages and my husband only contributes $200.00 for the kids per month. In this economy it would be tremendously difficult to find a job with medical benefits and it would be downright uneconomical to try and work full-time and send my 2 babies off to daycare. I want to be the one to raise them. When my husband and I became engaged, he told me 2 specific things, the first being that he "wanted to help around the house more because I know that's always been a problem" and second, "he didn't want me to have to work anymore". He also assured me he wanted kids right away. So we became pregnant right away (4 weeks after our wedding). He never made any effort to help out around the house or to support the idea of me staying home with the kids. I even worked from home for my office when I was pregnant and being treated for brain cancer. I just don't know what to do next.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

Losing my children is my greatest fear.

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

I am completely at a loss myself. I have not helpful advice.

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?