My Story ::  sorchamochrie

How Did You Meet?

My ex was 19, I was 17. It was my Junior year. We worked together. I was only the second girl he had ever kissed. We got married.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

We moved to a small town. I didn't have a car. I stayed at home, took care of the baby. he worked at nights, slept till late in the morning. Aside from three hours in the middle of the day I was on my own. He got fired for sexual harassment, got a new job, but didn't make enough.  He joined the military, was gone for months at basic, then went to his specialty school and was gone twice as long as before. I stayed home, took care of the baby, we went on walks to the library, at least I had the car while he was gone.
We moved to a military base. I stayed home, took care of the baby. He wanted nights out with his co-workers, I stayed home took care of the baby. He wanted weekends camping, I stayed home, took care of the baby. He wanted a flashy car, he couldn't make ends meet. I got a job.  He was working days. I worked some days and some nights. I made friends. I wanted to hang out with friends after work, when I knew he was already asleep. He let me at first, then told me that if I kept hanging out with friends he would divorse me.  I stopped hanging out with friends.
He made a friend on the internet, he told me he wanted a divorse. I was very sad. He found out his friend had lied to him, and sent him pictures of someone else. We stayed together.
He got a promotion, I got a promotion. We got nicer quarters. We fought sometimes. Stupid things, he didn't want the internet to be in my name, everything should be in his name. What I was making for dinner was taking to long, I had to make him something else.  I got upset more than was warranted by the conflict at hand. I felt suicidal. We made up. We were getting better.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

Then my five year old daughter mentioned "man-milk."  We talked as a family, she regressed and avoided my eyes. I asked him to leave the room. she told me she had walked in on him masterbating in the kitchen.  I went upstairs, yelled at him, slapped him and told him to get counseling.
I tucked her in. I spoke to her about good touching and bad touching. I told her that she has to tell me if any one ever wants her to do bad touching, and that she should never ever lie to me. That as long as she tells me the truth things will always be better for her.
She told me she had lied to me earlier. She told me he had rubbed his penis against her vagina.
I hugged her. I told her that I loved her, and that she hadn't done anything wrong. I told her that he had. I closed the door.

I found him. I yelled at him. He asked me to lower my voice. He didn't want the neighbors to hear. He said he was going to kill himself. He left the house. I called the police because I didn't want him to kill himself.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

He went to jail. He tried to get another inmate to help him hire a hitman to kill me. The other inmate went to the police.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I divorsed him if I would have to move right away, would I still be entitled to military benefits. I just wanted to be able to take care of my daughter. He filed for sepiration. He pled guilty to one count of child molestation, and to conspiracy to commit, his plee deal is seven years, five with good behavior. I have sole legal and physical custody.
The divorse took over a year. His parents recived minimal visitation.
Durring the divorse I met a man. He has majority custody of his three adorable children.  Truthfully, women do tend to get majority custody more often than fathers. Generaly women spend more time caring for the children, this wasn't the case with him. He helped me through my divorse, and gave my daughter a good father figure to have around. We got married after two years of living near each other, having nightly dinners together, spending our weekends together, and helping each other out when we were sick.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

Having to walk into the courtroom with no one there for me but my lawyer.
At his sentencing having to face him and his parents with out any support.
At the divorse trial having to face his parents and his friends with no support.

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?

Remember that your lawyer works for you. If your divorse isn't going as fast as it should. If it feels like things are dragging out, talk to them about it. Don't be afraid to get a second opinion.
Remember your lawyer isn't there for your emotional support. When you find out when your court dates are ask a close friend or family member to come with you right away. They aren't neccasary for the trial, but having one person who cares about you in the room could make you less nervouse.
If there is something you want, ask. You never know, it might be possible to get your ex's parental rights revoked as part of the divorse.
Document everything! Every time the kids cry before going to your stbx wright it down. Every time they drop the kids off in pants with holes in it not having eaten anything but dry cerial, right it down.