My Story ::  snow98flake

How Did You Meet?

We met on a double date, arranged by friends. the first date was terrible, as I was planning to return to CA, and didn't want to get involved. I was involved in a horrific MVA shortly thereafter. By this time, I knew I would be staying in NY.Feeling that I'd been given a second chance at life, I called to see if he wanted to get together, and well...the rest is history!

Describe your marriage before the problem.

The first few years were great. We did a lot of traveling, found out we had a lot in common. Our children came along, and we embarked on a reasonably happy family life. We were involved in our extended families.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

Money issues were a problem from the get-go. My ex is/was a controller and this extended to money as well as every other aspect of our lifes. I was aware of his homosexuality when we got married, but as he had never actually had a homosexual relationship, I naively didn't give it much thought. Obviously, it also affected almost every aspect of our lives together. We dealt with drug and alcohol abuse, his being bipolar, and his suffering from major, clinical depression. "Any other questions?"

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

My ex came out of the closet to his family and our kids( ages 12 and 15 at the time) about two years before we separated.I left due to all the problems mentioned above; I just couldn't handle it anymore. It was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I've gone through some very difficult times since then, but it's been worth it. We received marital counseling for almost the entire 15 yrs. we were married.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

Our divorce has been final for almost two years now. The hardest part has been the financial impact on us both, and the child- custody issues.

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?

We went through a Collabrative divorce. Though stressful, it allowed for more input from our kids and enabled us more flexibility, especially where the children were involved. Where children are involved, it is essential to keep the lines of communication open between the two parents. It has been very difficult, at timed to do this, but worth it. Our kids have seen- most of the time- that their parents are "on the same page" where their involved.