My Story ::  Smonky

How Did You Meet?

I met her while she was working at a beauty school. She was sleeping on a friends couch with her possessions on one end and her sleeping on the other. She worked 2 temp agency jobs a couple days a week. called in sick on a regular basis to them cause she would go party all the time. the rest of the time was spent going to school. we started hanging out "dating" and she was kicked out of her friends house. i offered her to stay with me and if me and her worked out it worked out, if not she could stay in my spare room until she figured out what she wanted to do. she moved in and away it went.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

There were ups and downs. we never fought, well there were fights but nothing yelling, screaming/hardcore. we have had some interesting issues mostly on her part but i was under the assumption that they were figured out. there was always lots of love, cuddling and fun times though. intimacy was kind of a issue the majority of the relation ship, but i passed that off to her upbringing (abused verbally, physically and sexually). but i was a happy man and i THOUGHT she was a happy woman.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

i didnt know there was a problem till she was about to leave one night to go hang out with a friend and she said "this just isnt working for me anymore".

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

at that moment? i freaked out! the next day i scrambled through our benefits provider and found a local marriage counselor and made a appointment. me and her both went to the first two sessions then things got worse between me and her and she quit going. i had 5 "free" visits using the employee assistance program via benefits and i went to every single one. that particular counselor im pretty sure had it out for me and didnt really help THAT much. so im on the hunt for a new counselor or possibly a psychologist because i just dont feel good about anything.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

well, i guess im "separated". she doesnt live here anymore. she lives with her parents. this whole thing was her idea so i told her she can pay to file the papers. my biggest fear though is how im going to make it through all this. and a close second would be is how much of her going down this downward spiral can i take? i mean the way she is acting is 180* from the person that i met/married. i dont know how much more i can sit back and take before i really start to feel bad and want to help her out. 

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

join the gym. work out as much as you can handle.

its hard, but try to be civil and not vindictive. its hard because all you want to do is hurt that other person like youre hurting. but if you want it all to go smooth, and retain all your possessions (lol) then you gotta keep it cool.

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?