My Story ::  MyLifeIsMine

How Did You Meet?

We met 2 weeks after I turned 18 at a local bowling alley. He sang to me. Went to a school dance with me because my original date stood me up. When we first met he was a middle-school dropout, no driver's license, had never held a public job, or been on his own. I helped him to get his GED, his license, and his first job. We graduated at the same time and then moved in together. Later on down the road we got married, a year later we got pregnant with our only child, and then divorced after 4 1/2 years of marriage and after 7 years of being together.      

Describe your marriage before the problem.

Looking back now it seemed childish and silly in a way. I mean we were happy, but we were very young with no real set goals in life. Well, I mean before we met and got married I had goals of my own and I had hoped to combine mine with his. As it turned out his goals were to pretty much to live in or near the same place he always had near his family, get married, have kids, and that was it. At first I thought I would be satisfied with this so we assumed our stereo typical roles of wife and husband. I cooked and cleaned and worked. He worked and played with his hobbies.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

Before I found out I was pregnant with my son he had lost yet another job and I was becoming irritated because the trailer we were buying was falling down around our ears and he was spending his days (and nights) playing video games and messing around with his gun collection. In the meantime i was working in a hot factory on second shift to pay the bills and support us. When I found out I was pregnant I decided to try and stick it out thinking our son would motivate him to take better care of us and do more with his life. He returned to work when I was about 6 months pregnant. He went through several more jobs through the next few years. When my son was 3 months old my sisters 13 month old son died suddenly. It was a very tragic event for my family and I took it especially hard because I had helped with him so much and our kids were so close. During this time my dear husband provided very little emotional support other than "I'm sorry" and a hug. He would not even go to the funeral with me. My best friend went with me and held me the entire time. It made me feel very very lonely. After this our problems continued to spiral downward and I had to take better jobs working more and longer hours just to keep our heads above water while he played his days and nights away. 

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

One night after months on end of fighting he sat down on the edge of the bed and said, "i guess come tax time I will pay up some of the bills and move out if that's what you want." Since he initiated the conversation I decided it was time to unload all the things I was feeling since he seemed to be in the mood to listen. I told him that I did not feel the same anymore and that I was tired of fighting and that it was starting to have a bad side effect on our son and that I would have my stuff out by Sunday. The next day I left a note on the counter before work saying that since he was off work for the next few days that he could keep our son that I would be back for him at a certain time, that I would be at my sister's, and that I would have all of my stuff out by Sunday. He flipped out and called me at work in a panic. I assured him that I was very serious and there was nothing that could be done to change my mind. That weekend came, I took the clothes I had, a few of my son's clothes, and the few little things I owned before we were married and moved out. I filed for divorce in February of 2008 and it was final on April 28th.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

The hardest part was when he suddenly went from "i will agree to anything it's just whatever" to fighting me over every little thing and threatening me. 

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?

Short sweet and to the point. don't drag it out if you can avoid it. try to play nice for the kids sake if at all possible. be friends if you can. if not at least be civilized.