My Story ::  meteor

How Did You Meet?

We worked together.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

It never was that good in the first place.  We never should have got married.  We moved in together after dating for about a year.  I should have listened to that little voice in my head telling me that we were wrong for each other and that he was not going to grow up, but I did not.  I always thought that he just needed a chance, a little time, a little help.  So, I worked at jobs that I hated just to pay the bills while he worked here and there and toyed with going back to school, joining the military, taking the exam to be a police officer, etc.  On the outside, we look like a happy couple, but it's an act.  My parents divorced and I was so scared of going through the same thing.  i do everything-work full time, keep the place clean, make sure the bills get paid, but he is never happy.  He is just so negative and nothing that I do will ever be enough.  

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

There were so many signs.  I will list a few.  The night of our first anniversary, I cried myself to sleep alone in a hotel room.  He was out drinking with family friends because it was the night before his best friend's wedding.  I felt so low on his list of priorities, so lonely and awful and ashamed.  That was two years ago.  Recently, we were in the living room one day and I  was eating a bowl of cereal and he had the television on.  I said I wanted to turn it off.  He said he wanted it back on for the noise because he could not stand the sound of my chewing.  A female friend took me out to dinner for my birthday and I called to ask him to pick me up.  He told me to take the bus because he was still watching the hockey game.  Not a week later a male friend at work insisted on waiting to drive me home in the snow and ice when I was forced to work late.  I realized that he treats me better than my own husband.   

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

I started to save up money to move out and get my own apartment.  I waited until I had enough money saved to tell him that I want a separation.  I did not use the word divorce because I knew that he would go ballistic.  He told me that he did not think that it was a good idea.  Now he is being all sweet to me.  I assume that he is scared that the good times are almost over and he will have to get by on his own. 

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

That he will drag this out and make it hard for both of us when I want so badly to get out and move forward with my life. 

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

Do not marry or continue to date someone who does not treat you with affection and respect.  Do not rush into living together.  There is nothing wrong with taking your time to get to know someone before taking that step.  Jumping from living together to marriage was just too easy for us to do and seemed like a good idea at the time. 

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?