My Story ::  Maleficent

How Did You Meet?

We met through a few mutual friends

Describe your marriage before the problem.

Our marriage has always been a bit tense in some respects. We had a lot of life problems right from the get go. I had a huge back surgery and he was forced to become my caretaker for quite some time. I also went through a few dead end jobs which caused financial stress as well. Almost from the beginning I felt as though I had to hold up my end of things and, because I physically couldn't for a while, felt an immense amount of guilt. My husband has always said I treat him more as a competitor than an equal.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

As I've stated, there were some problems right from the beginning. I fell into a very deep depression after my back surgery and that took a huge toll on us both. In June of 07, my husband first stated he wanted a divorce. I begged and pleaded for us to give it some time, go to counseling, etc. He agreed and said he was willing to work at it if there was something that could be fixed. I became more positive and got a decent job. My life started looking up and I felt better about myself. Just this past June, almost exactly one year after his initial declaration, he stated he wanted to separate. Again, I was devastated and asked him if he didn't think things were better with us. He said yes, slightly. He said he felt we're okay together and he doesn't want to be just ok. He said he felt a disconnection from me and thought it a good idea for us to separate for a while so he could gain perspective about himself and our marriage. In the months that followed, I found two instances of him flirting with onymous women on line. This was a red flag for me that he was already checked out even though we were still living together and married. I became certain that leaving him was what he wanted me to do, and I would oblige him. I stayed strong in that feeling for a couple of weeks. Now I'm back to wanting to try and make things be the best they can be between us in the three months we have left living together before my scheduled move out date.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

He is keeping the house, so I'm the one who has to move. I've just begun a semester of classes and I can't move while they're in session. I've spoken with a friend in a city about an hour from where I live and she's offered me a place to live whenever I need it. My plan is to move there in December when class is out and I have time to get situated. There are no papers or legalities in play yet.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

My greatest fear is that I'll never find anyone again who loves me for me and can stay in my life till the end. I don't want to be alone.

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

1. Try, try, try again. Don't leave until you've tried EVERYTHING possible.

2. Reach out for support. Don't go through it alone.

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?