My Story ::  Lisa_Cannon

How Did You Meet?

We were introduced by mutual friends.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

There was much arguing and fussing.  Many issues revolving around control and anger.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

I realized there was a problem when I didn't want to tell anyone what was happening to me, including my parents, closest friends and business associates.  I was ashamed.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

I found a counselor and sorted out my feelings.  We figured out what my needs were and  created a plan of action to meet those needs.  I  worked hard to increase my self esteem to be able to tell my family what had happened without shame.  I eventually volunteered at a shelter for abused spouses.   

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

The hardest part was protecting my son from the truth.  For years I didn't tell him why his Dad and I split.  I felt it would damage their relationship and hurt him.  Eventually, when he became old enough we did discuss the overall picture, but I have never shared details and feel there is no point to doing so.  Advice:Try to put yourself in the other persons shoes.  Try to see the issues from their side.  No matter how angry you get, don't use your children as a tool to hurt your former spouse.  Don't confide in your children, they can't understand adult issues, even as teens, and don't want or need to hear about your hurt or angry feelings.   It crushes your children, who probably already blame themselves.  Allow your children the priviledge to love both you and their other parent.  Get counseling for your children and yourself immediately, before symptoms appear.  This may minimize the damage.  Don't listen to people who tell you to be vengeful.  It only poisons you and adds fuel to the fire.  Try to be a gentleman or a lady whenever you can.  You will save your self esteem and be able to look yourself in the eye and know you did the best you could at every opportunity.  Don't beat yourself up if you backslide.  It doesn't help.

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?

I am a relationship counselor specializing in recovery and trauma.  I here to help anyone who wants help.  If you want to discuss something private, write on my wall and I will make myself available for direct  contact.   This site is not a substitute for in person counseling or therapy which may be necessary in some instances.