My Story ::  lfredette

How Did You Meet?

We worked together, I was a college student working at a summer job and he was employed at the same company full time.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

I believe it was a typical marriage - focused on raising our daughter, both working full time and trying to make more money, acquire more things because we believed this is what would make us happy.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

My first realization came when my daughter said to me one day - Mom you are never happy anymore. After that shocking statement I decided it was time to start taking care of me. Well as I started on my self healing journey my marriage became more an more estranged until eventually my husband told me he didn't think he wanted to be married anymore and a few months later he left.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

After my husband left I felt out of control. So I decided that it was time to get back in control. I did this by establishing some guidelines for myself. I am someone who puts her all in to everything I do - so I thought okay, if we are going to save this marriage what do I need to see happen? Once I figured that out I talked to my husband and asked him if he was interested in working on the marriage? He played the game for a bit acting as if he might want to save the marriage, eventually when I didn't see any concrete efforts on his part I developed a time line - I needed to see certain efforts by such a date or I was going to make the decision for us. I didn't see what I wanted - confirmed with my husband that had no interest in working on getting back together - so I started divorce proceedings and began dividing assets.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

Seeing my ex without his ring and seeing the actual divorce decree. It made it all very real.

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?

Make yours and your children's needs your priorities and be be willing to face the reality of the situation - don't delude yourself into seeing something that is not there. Ask for support if you can't do it alone.