My Story ::  Jams

How Did You Meet?

I went to the firehouse where my sister worked to go on a ride-along with her. There was this firefighter there who kept following me around like a puppy dog and hitting on me all night. I was even warned by the other firefighters on his crew that he was a "walking hormone". He got my number and called repeatedly until I agreed to meet for dinner. I thought, "what the hell?" and met up. He was a charmer but even then I knew something was up. It didn't take long for his manipulations to work on me and get me stuck. I found out three months later I was pregnant with our twins. The rest is history!

Describe your marriage before the problem.

Our marriage was NEVER good! He cheated on me while I was pregnant before we even got married. I thought he had changed since I didn't hear anything else for awhile. I thought the death of our son (one of the twins) brought him around. He repeatedly asked me to marry him but I would just shoot him down due to his previous affair until one day I woke up and said, "Come on, let's go to the courthouse!" Soooo stupid!

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

Just a few months ago, I realized. I had all the signs and evidence of a problem looooong ago. It's just weird how he slithers into your head. He actually had me believing for awhile that I had a good husband but I kept doing things to push him into the arms of other women.

A few years ago, during Mardi Gras...we were coming home from a parade with our daughter in the back and he punched me so hard in the arm that it immediately swelled up and bruised. When our friend and fellow Marine saw the injury, he flipped. He made me wait at his house and ran over to beat the crap out of him. My daughter saw almost everything! The funny thing is, he STILL blamed me for getting his ass kicked and for cheating in the first place.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

I don't know why I stayed this long. Fear is definitely it, but fear of what? I don't know. I didn't want to be alone, I didn't want to be a single mother, I thought he'd change, I even thought I could just learn to accept his cheating. I didn't feel I could financially take care of me and my daughter. I didn't want my daughter to feel the pain of divorce. I was afraid I'd regret it later if he changed and was a good loyal husband with his next wife. I just put off what I KNEW I had to do for a better and more convenient time. I'm starting to realize there is NEVER a convenient time for divorce.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

My greatest fear is being able to financially support my daughter and myself alone and his temper for even leaving him. I am afraid of being alone in this world and not being able to make the rent or pay the bills, not being able to pay for childcare or be there to pick my daughter up after school (his job).

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

Set limits for your spouse. If they step over those limitations, then LEAVE. I feel like I have wasted a lot of time planning and am no further then I was 7 years ago.

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?