My Story ::  GirlfriendsGuidetoDivorce

How Did You Meet?

He was dating a friend of mine in graduate school. She and I were in the same department.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

Tumultuous. We had a baby almost right away and then I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. We were both in grad school, had no money and he was often unreliable and irresponsible.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

He woke me up and told me he wasn't in love with me anymore one Friday night, with no warning, took off his wedding ring and left. He came back on Monday telling me he had fallen back in love with me. For a few weeks he would do this dissappearing act and then come back telling me if I didn't take him back he would kill himself. A few weeks into it, I searched his pockets, found some receipts and confronted him about it at which point he admitted he was having an affair for the last two years of our marriage and all through my cancer treatment.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

I left him. Best thing I ever did.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

We are divorced, but my greatest fear at the time was not getting custody of our daughter. He sued me for full custody and lost. Not only did he not get physical custody, they granted me full legal custody even though I didn't request it.

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

Getting over the sense of failure and the sense of humiliation. Realizing that none of it was a reflection on me or what I deserved.

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?

Remember that how you are feeling in that first year keeps changing. You go through all the stages of loss, but at the end, you will have not just clarity, but happiness again. It seems like the worst thing that can happen, but it is often the best. Tip two is to know that you can make it. Almost every single person I know has done better financially after they split with their spouse. It might take a little time, but you will get there if you stay focused on your strength and ability to take care of yourself.