My Story ::  frazier

How Did You Meet?

We met when I was in High School.  We met at a part time job and I thought he was great. 

Describe your marriage before the problem.

I thought we had a pretty good marriage and that everything was fine.  He was a work-a-holic but I thought that he was doing it for us (for our family-him, myself and our son)- Little did I know it was not.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

I was concerned after the birth of our second child.  Instead of slowing down with work he seemed to be gone more- I would call his office when he should have been there- and he wasnt there.  Then I found some pictures of his over exposed "friend" in our home.  This was 6 years ago.  every year after that he would bring up the topic of divorce a few days before Christmas.  Also, in this timeframe I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I came home from the doctor to try to explain this to him and his first and only question was "How does this affect my sex-life" (meaning his).  At that point I felt the marriage was over.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

We went to marriage councelling, but that was short lived after a session in which we were discussing why he had pornography in our home and also those pictures of someone who was just a friend.  He tried to explain this away by saying- as a child he was diagnosed with ADHD and if he doesnt keep this stuff around he fears he will lose all interest in sex.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

My greatest fear is that he will make good on his threat to throw myself and our two boys out of the only home they have known, take away their ability to go outside to play in a safe area, to ride their bikes and play with their friends.  All because he is selfish and doesnt want to pay the taxes for the area we live in right now.  It would mean he would have to step up and get a job in which he actually brings in money, and benefits (like medical and dental) that we do not have because he thinks hes a great businessman.

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

If you sense something is not right - go with your gut and begin phtocopying everything that shows finances, ownership, etc.  My husband has removed these items from the home and it will cost me large amounts of $$ in "discovery" costs.
Never rely on your spouse to take care of "everything" this puts you at a serious disadvantage.

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?