My Story ::  BlueB

How Did You Meet?

High School.  I dated her best friend and that's how I met her. 

Describe your marriage before the problem.

I thought it was good, like anyother marriage, had its ups and downs, but nothing to get divorced over.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

In March of 08, She told me that she was unhappy in our marriage and hadn't been for the last three years.  I also found out after that discussion that she had cheated on me, but swore that it was only sex, nothing more.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

We tried counseling...after the fourth session, the "marriage counselor" thought we should go our seperate ways.  We have been trying individual therapy since, but that didn't help our problems.  I watched our relationship continue to deteriorate until finally, a week before we were to see a second marriage counselor, she decided to go and meet another man.  I moved out the next day.  After we met with the counselor, I met with her and asked her to not see the other man(men), at least until we gave marriage counseling a chance to work and make a final decision as to whether or not she wanted to remain married to me.  Throughout the next few weeks, she maintained that counseling wasn't doing anything and that she still didn't feel any love towards me, but that she still insisted that it wasn't because of the other men, because she wasn't seeing them.  I found out that she had lied...she had been seeing at least one of them the entire time we were in counseling.  On 9/26/08, I threw in the towel and asked for a divorce.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

1.  Keep the lines of communication open and learn to listen, not just speak.

2.  Be honest, even if it means hurting the feelings of the other person.  If nothing else, they will respect you later for it, even if they hate you now.

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?

1.  Realize that you cannot control your ex/stbx or his/her actions, only you and yours.

2.  If you are unsure about getting a divorce, be sure you do all you can to save the marriage, if for no other reason than to be able to look yourself in the mirror and say that you did everything you could to save it.  You don't want to spend your life wondering if you had only done X, you would still be happily married.